All of these teenybopper Pants are beginning to turn my stomach with their unbridled enthusiasm for life and blood-curdling joy-screams over nothing at all.
Boot-cut Lowrise Jean-Pants: OH MY GAWD, I LOVE WEDNESDAYS!
Roy: Like that?
PF: Precisely. My eardrums cannot handle much more of these darn tweenagers… Let us press on and try to find those plaid Professor Pants. Excuse me, young lady, have you seen any Pants that look like mine, but with a face where my zipper is?
Goth Pants with Lots of Buckles and Holes with Visible Fishnets Underneath and Running Mascara: Buh-huh-huh!
PF: Oh! I did not mean to startle you!
Goth Pants: It’s not you, IDIOT.
PF: Oh. Then why are you crying?
Goth Pants: BECAUSE I LOVE THE VAMPIRE PANTS SO-HO-HO MUH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUCH… *sob sob sniffle sob*
PF: Moving on…
Roy: So this camp of hundreds of fashionable Pants have Vampiremania? I don’t get it.
PF: Yes. It seems odd to me that there would be so much hysteria over what they think is a MURDERER.
Goth Pants: YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS OF HIS DARK, BROODING BEAUTY!
Blobby: Walk faster, PF.
PF: Goodness gracious. This is ridiculous. Excuse me, miss?
Skort-Pants: Ugh, can I just TELL YOU how much I love the Vampire Pants?
PF: I would certainly prefer not…
Skort-Pants: He is SO mysterious! It’s like he’s pretending to ignore the fact that we’d all totally marry him immediately!
Hysterical Pant Mob: Yeah!
Skort-Pants: I <3 VAMPIRES!
Roy: You less than three vampires? Why did you just say that?
PF: Okay. Yes. Vampires, oh-em-gee, they are aces. Just a real tubular group of murderers. Look, I was wondering if you have seen walking around any fellows who resemble my lower torso.
Skort-Pants: Ungh. No way, creepster-centralous. Pants THAT ugly are only walking around in that lame-o anti-vampire mob. YOU GUYS STINK!
Angry Pants Mob: YOU STINK!
Skort-Pants: Being a vampire is genetic! He can’t help being the tortured soul he is!
Angry Pants Mob: It’s a choice!
Hysterical Pants Mob: Genetic!
Angry Pants Mob: A choice!
Hysterical Pants Mob: Boo!
Angry Pants Mob: Boo!
PF: This emotional hormone pile has a point – the refined pant-fashion sense of a Professor like me would never be seen in this camp of hysterical Vampire-loving loons. Let us cross the picket-line to the other side. If you will excuse me, miss.
Skort-Pants: Ugh, whatevs. See you never, NARC!
PF: Yes. Yes, you will not ever see me here again…
Current Mood: Annoyed by youth.
Discoveries Made: Another flavor of impatience.
Hereinto referenced: Angry Pants Mob ¤ Hysterical Pants Mob ¤ Teenybopping ¤ Vampire Pants
