That Hysterical Pant Mob we just left was UNBEARABLE. I have never seen so many placards covered in glitter glue, nor have I viewed so much ridiculous fan-fiction and cruddy television shows devoted to a pair pants before.
Moustachia: They think he’s a vampiwe, though.
PF: So what if he WAS a vampire! That does not necessitate the mounds of unmentionable garbage that is being heaped into the universe on his behalf? Now this angry mob is more my style – curmudgeony and bitter.
Roy: But you’re not those things.
PF: I am now! Those fad-following Pants drove me to it!
Blobby: Hey, PF, chill out. They’re just a bunch of kids…
PF: Ugh. I guess you are right – I am just upset that vampires are popular now and people have forgotten about zombies! What is next, lagoon creatures? Cowboys? Squirrels? One cannot keep up!
Blobby: That’s the point of being young – you make the people older than you feel like they’re out of it for not loving the things you love.
PF: But I bought all these ironic zombie t-shirts! Sigh, anyway, let us begin the long-process of finding some plaid Professor Pants here among the grumps. Oh look, a big shiny coin on the ground!
Roy: Ooooh! Pick it up!
PF: I think that I shall. Now to simply bend at the waist and pluck from the ground this serendipitous treasure…
?: *whistle* Well, hello there, young lady – I haven’t seen you around this side of the protest before.
PF: I hope that he is not talking to my rump.
?: The quiet type, eh? Looks like someone’s inchin’ toward a pinchin’!
PF: YOW!
?: What is this! What are you doing to this beautiful young woman?
PF: You pinched my butt!
?: I did not! I was merely becoming acquainted with the respectable lady you are ATTACKING with your BODY! Dislodge yourself from her head instantly!
PF: Hey, wait a second! You are a pair of Plaid Pants!
Plaid Pants: A racist too, are ya! This will not stand! Duel! This calls for a duel!
Angry Pant Mob: A duel! A duel!
Blobby: Hey, buddy, he’s not attacking those Pants, he’s wearing them.
*SLAP*
Blobby: Ow! He just slapped my face with his Pant Leg!
Plaid Pants: We’ll see who’s wearing who! Duel! Dickie, get over here!
Dickie: Yeah?
Plaid Pants: Fetch my dueling irons. I’m gonna smooth out this puffy cad!
Dickie: You got it!
PF: Now now, really, there is no need for ironing duels, whatever that is. I am merely wondering at the location of Professor Island…
Plaid Pants: Are you okay there, sweetie? I’ll free you, as soon as this joker gets IRONED.
Roy: He’s talking to your Pants, PF.
PF: I see this.
Dickie: Here you go, Plaidson! Here you go, bulgy stranger!
Angry Pant Mob: Ironing duel! Ironing duel!
Plaid Pants: Okay, buddy – prepare to be flattened!
PF: Really, there has just been a miscommuni…
*T S S S S S*
PF: OWWW! You just scalded my flesh!
Plaid Pants: That’s right! You’re going DOWN.
PF: Oh yeah? COME HERE!
*P S S HHhhhhHHHhhhHH tssSS S S S Ssss!*
Plaid Pants: He’s overpowerin’ me!
PF: Mmph! Yeah! Get you some…
Plaid Pants: What, do you have some kind of complex musculature supported by rigid bones or something?
PF: Precisely!
Plaid Pants: I’m a goner! My wrinkles! Is this the untimely end of Plaidington Plaidson?
PF: Yes! And now for the coup de grâce, a triple fold!
Plaid Pants: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Angry Pant Mob: Oooooohhhh!
Distant Baggy Jeans: No he didn’t!
PF: That shall teach him to pinch the bottom of Professor Frederick Fliggins!
*Applause*
Blobby: Good work, PF.
PF: Thank you, Blobert.
?: Did you say you were looking for Professor Island?
PF: Oh, now you want to be reasonable?
?: No, I’m not the Plaid Pants, look in his back pocket.
PF: Hey, a talking hankie.
Talking Hankie: Indeed.
PF: Wait… this monogram. I recognize it! It is Professor Stubbler’s! Are you… from Professor Island… too?
Talking Hankie: I am, Frederick Fliggins, Junior Discoverist.
PF: OH MY SWEET GOLLY GOODNESS!!! Do you know how to get home? I fear it is in the gravest of danger!
Talking Hankie: I do.
PF: Tell me. Oh sweet treasure. Please tell me.
Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: Home? Have I found my ticket home?
Hereinto referenced: Angry Pants Mob ¤ Ironing Duel ¤ Talking Hankie ¤ Vampire Fiction ¤ Vampire Pants