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Blobby Log Owners Manual

Archive: Chapter 2: Bean Village
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Blobby Log Day 54 (part 2)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 54
Weather: The Moist! O the Moist!
Landscape: Keep it together, old bean... Ignore the beautiful everything...

NOTES:

I am walking through the Hot Dog Kingdom, Blobby, and I have to say, it is taking all of my energy not to start labeling all the tasty Discoveries.  I must keep my head down and try not to notice that I have passed seventeen different kinds of grass!  So different…

Luckily, the Sausage Cadet who escorts me is a brash and goal-oriented fellow who keeps me moving forward, almost as if he is happy to expel me from his land.  But I know this cannot be so for I am delightful!

Sausage Cadet: Here we are, Larry: the border between the Hot Dog Kingdom and the Bean Village.  The Beans and Franks Festival is right over there.  Good luck finding your Gingerfizz!  Don’t come back unless you’re on fire!

PF: Of course.  I will not come searching for you unless I am quite desperate for help.  Goodbye, sir.

Sausage Cadet: Smell ya later, Larry!  I’m gonna go ride the Feral Ferris Wheel…

PF: What a bizarre fellow.  Okay, Blobby, we now find ourselves in another land without much direction at all.  How exciting!  All we need to do is to stay focused, find some Gingerfizz, and hopefully get back to my airship without being taken advantage of by the local populace.  That is, I hope the people who live here do not exploit the fact that I have a lot of valuable objects on me and would easily give them all away if anyone here simply SAID they had Gingerfizz.  I mean, when I am alone and naive like this, I would tear the patches from my elbows for just a teaspoon of Gingerfizz to fuel my airship!  I should not describe my personal failings so loudly, but I cannot help it – I AM NERVOUS.

Three Bean Teens!?: Yo, dawg!  Why you tweakin’?

PF: Excuse me?

?: You straight up buggin’, g.  Real.  Talk.

PF: I am sorry, I do not understand your language.  Do you want some candy?

?: Psshh.  Keep yer candy, son!  Yo, Gree, hook me up with a phat beat!

Gree: Bff-bf-pf Bff-bf-bf-pf…

?: Yo, uh, yo, uh-uh – we got a dude right here with a big moustache…

?: Sid, Gree, knock it off.

Sid: Aw, c’mon, Bonzo!  I had the sickest rhyme for “moustache!”

PF: What is happening?

Bonzo: Don’t mind my friends here.  They think they can just battle rap all their cares away.

Sid: Oh snap!

Bonzo: Hello, friend.  My name is Bonzo, the pointy beat-boxing fellow is Gree, and Sid here is the one who tried to hip hop at you.

Sid: That’s Sid the Kid, son!  Kid like Kidney – I’m a BEAN, JOE!

PF: How exciting!

Bonzo: Yes.  We couldn’t help but overhear that you were willing to exchange all of your valuables for some Gingerfizz…

PF: Yes!  Take them!  Take them all!  Here, here’s a hollow log with my two best friends in it – just give me some Gingerfizz!

Sid: Oh snap!

Bonzo: Settle down, friend.  We don’t have any Gingerfizz on us right now.  But if you come with us, we’ll take you to it…

PF: Oh thank the Heavens!  You do not know what this means to me.  I am so lucky to have Discovered you Three Bean Teens.  Hey that’s right – DISCOVERY!!

Sid: Huh?

Limited Edition Plush Discovery 2

Current Mood: Popular!
Discoveries Made: Three Bean Teens!

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Blobby Log Day 55

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Evening; Day 55
Weather: Shady as Heck!
Landscape: Abandoned Bean Barn - Outskirts of Bean Village

NOTES:

What a whirlwind day it has been!

The Three Bean Teens (or 3BT, as they prefer to be called) are just the nicest boys who are also beans I have ever met!  I almost do not mind that they have yet to procure me Ginger Fizz for my Dirigible as I am just having a TIME.  Hooo-boy!

Apparently, Blobby, the 3BT are music box repairmen, for we spent the morning removing the devices from ALL the Bean Carriages parked outside the Beans and Franks Festival.  Who would have guessed there would have been so many defective music boxes?  Thank the Goodness these smart boys are here to fix all this faulty bean technology!  Silly simple beans!

Oh, I must depart again, Blobby – the 3BTs have invited me for some night-time lurking games!  I FEEL SO POPULAR!!!

Current Mood: Peer Pressured!
Discoveries Made: My Discoverist Nubbins are adept at small electronics removal!

Hereinto referenced: ¤

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Blobby Log Day 56

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 56
Weather: Not foreboding at all!
Landscape: Barny!

NOTES:

P. Flig.  They are calling me P. Flig now.  I much prefer this nickname to Loopy Larry, Pastry, or “Joe Son” – the latter-most moniker being what I believe Sid to have previously thought my name to be.

As you can see, Blobby, we have been staying in this abandoned Bean Barn while I figure some stuff out.  But it is cool though, do not even tweak about it.

Bonzo said I am well on my way to full initiation into the 3BT club as I have already successfully completed so many thrilling and ostensibly dangerous tasks.  Sid began some kind of tribal “broken dancing” when he heard the news of my imminent initiation, which i was honored to witness – he really got groovy!  Gree said nothing but nodded his head to the beat, as if being tugged by some unseen magic funk from a parallel realm.

Okay, I must be bouncing, the fellows have more team-building plans for me.  P. Flig out!

Current Mood: Funky and/or Fresh.
Discoveries Made: Initiation!

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 57

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Mid-Afternoon; Day 57
Weather: Rapturous!
Landscape: Hay hay hay!

NOTES:

I am an official Bean Teen!  Holy Cats!  I asked if it were okay that I am neither a Bean, nor a Teen.  Bonzo said that it was, as Gree is not really a bean (he is from Foodlandia, which is a place).  And Sid is also apparently thirty-seven years old!  Oh snapper!

My final initiation involved calling various Beans on a Communication Orb and telling them that their Cooling Boxes were galloping away from their homes.  I do not know what any of that means, but the lads were laughing so hard.  And I was laughing too!  Laughing until my insides felt like they were being trampled by herds of joyful, stampeding beasts!  Then Gree socked me in my laugh-hindered tummy with his pointy-noggin and I was officially let into the Bean Teen Club!  It was great!  I am so popular and beloved I feel as if I am doing broken dances on the surface of Heavenly Bodies!  Breaky broken hipping hopping!  Pff-pff-bf!

But I cannot chit chatter too much, Blobby – there is a party I am invited to that will assuredly be ZONKERS.  You probably do not know the expression “zonkers,” Blobby, because you are so totally unhip in the Universe!  Perhaps one day you will figure it out.  Peas out, Jimmy Jane!

Current Mood: Pff-pf-bf
Discoveries Made: Gang!

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 58

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Mid-Afternoon; Day 58
Weather: Slim and Shady.
Landscape: Bye-Bye, Bean Barn!

NOTES:

I am so popular!  Who needs Ginger Fizz when I have all these friends?  I never want to leave!  Ginger Fizz bubbles mean I want to leave and I never want to leave!  Do not make me leave!

Bonzo said I am so good at following orders, he will soon allow me to distribute sugar packets to the wee beans.  They work for Bonzo by jumping up and down on bellows which fan the flames under great cauldrons of bean juice.  The sugar makes them all hop up, and down.  Jumping beans!  It is crazy!

I am outie 5000.  Sorry to keep leaving you alone in the Bean Barn, Blobby, but carrying around a big piece of wood with a typing blob inside is a serious cramp in my stylez.

Current Mood: Too Cool for School.
Discoveries Made: Sugar Distribution!

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 59

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Day 59
Weather: ...
Landscape: ...

NOTES:

Word!

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: ...

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 60

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 60
Weather: Fat! This is being chubby weather!
Landscape: My crib is being a barn, sons and daugthers!

NOTES:

Okay, it is an agreement then.

Now that I have figured out that you have been pouting and not typing my log entries we have an arrangement, Blobby:  I will take you with me to my next assignment from Bonzo, but you have to promise not to embarrass me in front of my new friends!

Blobby: Deal!

PF: Quiet, Blobby!  Ugh!  Check yourself.  Ok, I must practice my new voices.  *Ahem*  Yo yo yo yo yo!  Yo yooyooyoo!  YOYOyoyoYOyOyOYO!  Oh!  Hey, Bonzo!

Bonzo: Hey.

PF: What is up, Gree!

Gree:

PF: Sid, my dog!

Sid: Yo, P. Flig!  What’s crack-a-lackin’?

PF: Uh… Yes yes!  You are my dog, Sid.  You are my best pet dog…

Bonzo: P. Flig, we got an excellent assignment for you.

PF: Well, that IS what is UP!  Sock it to me, Jackson!

Bonzo: All right.  We want you to… deliver a gift.  To the mayor.

PF: The mayor?  Oh ho, you boys ARE important.  And now I am important because YOU are talking to ME!  What gift shall I be delivering?  Governmental documents?  Fancy hats?

Bonzo: Eggs.

Sid: Through the air, sucka!

PF: A gift of airborne eggs!  Marvelous!  Do not be jealous, Blobby!  I am basically the president of hipness! Let us be delivering!

Current Mood: Words, my son! Words up!
Discoveries Made: I am slowly Discovering the Balance betwixt that which is being wack and that which is being dope.

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 61

As written by Blobby in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 61
Weather: Dim. So dim.
Landscape: The Log Steno-Chamber.

NOTES:

Blobby: Hello.  This is Blobby.  PF dropped me after a Bean Police Officer caught him painting “P. Flig is your FATHER” on the mayor’s house.  The Log, Roy and I are currently resting in the back of a Bean Police Cruiser Carriage.  He is driving through the streets of Bean Village looking for PF and the 3BT.

Roy: I hope they slap some sense into him when they catch him.

Blobby: Me too, Roy.  I hope they slap him a lot.  Oh, um, the police officer is talking…

Officer Beanchowski: It’s hard out here on these streets.  You gotta wake up each morning, splash your face with cold water, and ask yourself in the mirror: “Is this the day I finally breakdown?  Is this the day I’m gonna lose it?”  That day hasn’t come yet.  But it’s gonna happen – and may there be divine mercy for the sad Bean who has to be on the other end when I do finally snap…

We’re coming up on Lentil Boulevard – this is scumbag central.  I once saw some punk Beans standing on the corner…  On the corner!  This place is rife with loiterers.  It makes me sick to my stomach and I just want to curl in a ball and cry and cry…

Hey, what’s that under that Bean kiddie pool?  It’s that mutant Bean!  HEY!

He’s on the move…

Blobby: Oh goodness…

Officer Beanchowski: HQ, this is Beanchowski, I’ve spotted the perp and he’s attempting to flee the scene…  very slowly.  He appears to be middle-aged, disheveled and shirtless.

Pease out, indeed...HQ: Shirtless. Roger.

Officer Beanchowski: Halt!

PF: You will not be catching me, Bean-Fuzz!  I have my rights!  I have my rights!

Officer Beanchowski: Stop, you ridiculous thing!

PF: What!  What!  This does not prove nothing!  You do not prove nothing!  I am a man!  Ow!  Ow, my arm!

Officer Beanchowski: Settle down, crazy.  Just settle down.

PF: You are going to bruise me, sir!  Ow-ee!

Officer Beanchowski: Get in the back of the cruiser, punk!

PF: OW.  Criminey!  What a brute!  Hey, Blobby – you are in the back of the carriage too!  What did you get picked up for?  They cannot prove nothing on me.

Blobby: I am so ashamed.

PF: You hear me, Bean-Fuzz!

Current Mood: A Pile of Shame.
Discoveries Made: A New Low for DJ Jazzy P. Flig.

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 62

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: High Noon; Day 62
Weather: Boding fore.
Landscape: The BFF Fairgrounds.

NOTES:

SPLASHY SMASHY?!Mayor of Bean Village: Welcome, citizens of Bean Village to the culminating event of the Beans and Franks Festival: The Punishing of Criminals!

Crowd: Hooray!

Mayor of Bean Village: I was a little worried that we wouldn’t have any criminals to punish this year, but then these four ne’er-do-wells fell right into our laps and saved us!

Crowd: Hooray!

Mayor of Bean Village: Officer Beanchowski, present the accused!

Officer Beanchowski:
Yes, sir.  Before you stands the infamous Three Bean Teen Gang of Four.  We have Gree the Green Bean from Foodlandia, aged seventeen…

Crowd: Boo!

Gree: Psshh…

Officer Beanchowski: Sid the Kidney Bean, aged thirty-seven…

Crowd: Boo!

Sid: Oh snap!

Officer Beanchowski: Bonzo the Garbanzo Bean, aged thirteen…

Crowd: Boo!

Bonzo: WHATEVERZ!!!

Officer Beanchowski: …and clearly the most amoral and disgusting of the lot, one Professor Frederick Fliggins of Professor Island, aged forty-nine…

Crowd: Boo!

Officer Beanchowski: …sir, he appears to be some kind of horrible mutated black-eyed pea.

Crowd: Ew!  Gross!  Mommy, I’m scared!

PF: *Ulp!*

Mayor of Bean Village:
Yes, he surely is revolting!  Marvelous!  The four accused are charged with sugar-trafficking, inferior bean-sauce distribution, vandalism, resisting arrest, and wack rhymez.

Sid: Oh snap!

Mayor of Bean Village: Oh snap, indeed, not-so-teen bean.  And now, ladies and gentlebeans, here to spin the Wheel of Punishment – avert your eyes, Bean-Feminists – may I present to you Miss Bean Village!

Crowd: Ow-OW!  Hey-o!  Talk about packed with protein!

Miss Bean Village: Settle down, boys – we have some serious business to take care of.  Tee-hee!

Mayor of Bean Village:
That’s right, we are here to bring these criminals to justice and…

Miss Bean Village: Oopsie, dropped my hanky…

Crowd: Wooo!

Mayor of Bean Village: Great work, sweetheart.  Gentlemen, do you understand the charges you’re being convicted of?

Bonzo: Yes.

Sid: Yeah.

Gree: Mm-hmm.

PF:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING AT ALL RIGHT NOW.

Mayor of Bean Village: Wonderful, wonderful.  All riiiight, Miss Bean Village, it’s time to…

Crowd: Spin!  That!  WHEEEEEL!  WOOO!

Miss Bean Village: Tee-hee!

Mayor of Bean Village: Oh, Wheel of Punishment, turn turn turn, tell us the punishment these boys have earned…  What will it be, folks?  Catapulting into the sun?  Will they be sautéed in bottom-shelf cooking sherry?  The wheel’s slowing down…  And it looks… like… it’s… SPLASHY SMASHY!

Crowd: *Gasp!*

Miss Bean Village: Eeeeek!

Mayor of Bean Village: Beanchowski!  Get Miss Bean Village some ice water – she’s fainted!

Bonzo: Not Splashy Smashy!  We’re hummus for sure!

Sid: Bogus.

PF: What is “Splashy Smashy?”  It sounds kind of festive…

Bonzo: Splashy Smashy is the worst thing that could ever happen to a bean.  It’s…  uh-oh, the wind is picking up…

PF: So?

Miss Bean Village: Eeek!

Bonzo: So here comes the hair!

Crowd: Ewwww!  Sick!   It landed in my molasses soda!

Mayor of Bean Village: Ugh.  Beanchowski, put the prisoners back in their cells, we cannot have the Punishing of Criminals when coated in errant facial hair…  SPLASHY SMASHY POSTPONED!

Crowd: Aww!  Boo!  Dern them hairs!  Dern ’em!

Officer Beanchowski:
All right boys, you heard the mayor.  Come with me.

PF: I am so confused.

Current Mood: Hair-covered and bewildered.
Discoveries Made: The most complicated legal system ever!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 63

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 63
Weather: Nawt Hawt.
Landscape: BEAN PRISON.

NOTES:

I am astonished and ashamed by how quickly I was able to descend into a life of crime.  My cell mates, the 3BT, seem increasingly less cool when I find myself charged with wack rhymez and now face imminent Splashy Smashy!

This is my second imprisonment in as many lands visited.  If I knew that every time I traveled to a foreign country I would be thrown in its least comfortable holes, I perhaps would have not left Professor Island in the first place.  I believe I am fed up with imprisonment.

A disgrace!  I will tell you, Blobby, a Discoverist must be out in the Field – lifting up rocks, peering around corners, giggling uncontrollably whilst chasing butterflies!  Discoverists should NOT be cooped up in various Pits of Despair…

I miss my Dirigible – flying among the birds whose tweet-tweeting offer me immediate updates into the emotions of the clouds, the feelings of freedom, the date/time/location of boundless soaring glory.  Tweet-tweet, my winged brothers, my swooping sisters.  Tweet-tweet.

I resolve to no longer be a be-jailed delinquent teenaged bean!  I am old!  I am good!  I am a Discoverist, darnit!

Current Mood: A Three-Bean Salad wherein the beans are "shame," "disgust," and "a longing to not be in prison!"
Discoveries Made: I take back having said, "3BT 4 Lyfe!" all those times. I have Discovered "take backs."

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 64 (part 1)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Evening; Day 64
Weather: The Hair Snows
Landscape: Stubbly Cell

NOTES:

Blobby, wake yourself!  The Mayor is in the adjacent room – perhaps he is going to reinstate our Splashy Smashy…

Mayor of Bean Village: I will not stand for this disruptive hair!  It is an affront to the good people of Bean Village!  To war!

Officer Beanchowski: Sir, I don’t know if war is really the best…

Mayor of Bean Village: To war!  To war!  We’ll teach those Moustachios to discard their trimmings so flippantly!  To war!

Officer Beanchowski: Mayor, the Moustachios outnumber us Beans and they can fly!  We are no match!

PF: Bonzo, what does that mean?

Bonzo: The Moustachio Territory is our upwind neighbors to the Northeast.

Sid: They be flying facial hair, joe!

Bonzo: Yeah.

Sid: And they trimmings be all up in our sodas, G!

PF: Flying moustaches!  Sweet zonkers – perhaps these mythic beings can reunite me with the sky!  They are my only passport to liberation!  HEY!  HEY-LO!  MISTER MAYOR!  HEY!  I CAN ASSIST IN THE DEFEAT OF THE MOUSTACHIOS!

Bonzo: What are you doing?  You want us to get Double Splashy Smashy’d?

PF: Calm yourself, delinquent.  I am preparing to exonerate us!  HEY-LO!  YIP!  YIP!

Officer Beanchowski: Hey, what’s going on?  Pipe down in here!

PF: Sir, I have the solution to your hair-covered problem and the secret is growing from my face follicles!

Officer Beanchowski: I swear, if I have to Splash Smash you myself…

Mayor of Bean Village: Wait, Beanchowski – let the mutant speak…

PF: Thank you.  Sirs, I know a little something about what it means to be a flying moustache for I am an expert aeronaut and a fifteenth-level moustache regulator!  Behold my glorious ‘stache!

Mayor of Bean Village: It is an impressive moustache…

PF: Precisely!  Why I can draw upon my expertise as an airborne facial hair enthusiast to infiltrate the Moustachio Territory, procure the necessary intelligence secrets, and then we may wipe the country-side clean of your hairy nuisance!

Mayor of Bean Village: Hmmm…

PF: My only fee would be freedom for myself and my 3BT comrades from here and the wrath of your most vicious Splashy Smashy.

Mayor of Bean Village:
I don’t know…  The people haven’t had a good Splashy Smashy in ages…

PF: Perhaps you need to step outside and discuss it with your brutish flunky here.

Officer Beanchowski:
Hey!

Mayor of Bean Village:
Yes.  Let’s discuss this outside, Beanchowski.

Officer Beanchowski: Fine.  But I’m watching you, Mutant.  I’m watching you.

PF: Keep watching, my good neighbor!  I will be confined to my cell in the meanwhile!

Bean Mayor!

Current Mood: Conniving!
Discoveries Made: A use for my fifteenth-level moustache regulator status.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 64 (part 2)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Late Evening; Day 64
Weather: Persistent Hair Storms.
Landscape: As if the landscape has passed through puberty.

NOTES:

Mayor of Bean Village: Curses!  Why did we step outside?  My immense bean-y girth is coated in more facial trimmings!

Officer Beanchowski: This is seriously grossing me out.

Mayor of Bean Village: We’re never gonna get all this hair out of the Bean Sauce – the Beans and Franks will have nothing to frolic in!  The frolicking is in serious jeopardy!

Blobby: I know why hair in their Bean Sauce is really sick, but isn’t anyone else disturbed by the thought of hot dogs and bean-people swimming around in a warm and opaque brown liquid?

PF: Quiet, Blobby!  You will not ruin this for me! So, gentlemen, have you reached a decision about my deal?  I think it super fair…

Mayor of Bean Village: Well, Mutant, I don’t know – we’ve already spun the Wheel of Punishment.  There’s an outstanding decree of Splashy Smashy – the Wheel spake it so.

PF: But… could you not spin another wheel to decide the matter?  Surely I have proven the power of my moustache-tending!

Mayor of Bean Village: It IS luxurious…  hmm…  A Wheel of Municipal Decision-Making – is that what you’re suggesting?

PF: Um… Sure!

Mayor of Bean Village: Beanchowski, fetch the Wheel of Municipal Decision-Making!

Officer Beanchowski: Yes, sir!

PF: Wait, you actually have another wheel?

Mayor of Bean Village: Of course!  All matters of Bean Justice are settled by Official Wheel-Spinnings.

PF: Fascinating.

Officer Beanchowski: I have the Wheel, sir.  And I had to wake up Miss Bean Village.

Miss Bean Village: *Yawn* What time is it?

Mayor of Bean Village: Why I’ll tell you what time it is.  It’s time to..

3BT: Spin… that… wheeeeel…

Miss Bean Village: *Yawn*  Tee-hee…

Mayor of Bean Village: Wheel of Municipal Decision-Making, turn turn turn, tell us the answer to that which we’re concerned…

PF: Blobby, this place seems to be a crazy place.

Mayor of Bean Village: All riiiiight, my mutant friend – looks like you’re going to be heading to the Moustachio Territory on a diplomatic mission of peace.  The Wheel spake it so!

Miss Bean Village: I’m going back to bed.

Mayor of Bean Village: Very good, dear – SPLASHY SMASHY DISMISSED!

3BT: Hooray!

Mayor of Bean Village: In the morning, we will make preparations for your departure.  I do so prefer this course of action to full-blown warfare.  It’s like that famous Moustachio saying: “Beans, Beans: a peaceful fruit.  In wars defeat their poor recruits!”

PF: That barely makes sense.  Blobby, we must flee this ridiculous place!

Current Mood: Relief!
Discoveries Made: I am still not at all certain what Splashy Smashy is... So I did NOT Discover that. I mean, what could it be? I am having a hard time digesting Bean Logic, so I will try and not ponder this anymore or else fear my BRAIN BREAKING. But still, it sounds so FESTIVE. This is going to continue to bug at me. Splashy Smashy? I just do not know...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 65

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 65
Weather: It is raining as well as hair snowing. Delicious!
Landscape: Bean Jail.

NOTES:

Good morning, my sweet Blobby!

Today we are about to be freed from Bean Jail, under the assumption we will help the Mayor of Bean Village with his hair-snow epidemic.  While I sympathize with him, I simply must return to the sky, and to my initial mission: Discovery.

As much as I enjoy helping foreign (and lunatic) dignitaries with their various crown-losings and hairy soda pops, such things were never part of the original course I set for myself, now so long ago on Professor Island.  Therefore, as soon as I am far enough away from this place, I am going to abandon my mission to rid the Bean Village of hair and go and retrieve my Dirigible from the Hot Dog Kingdom.  Surely, they are done repairing it and surely the other Lands in this place away from home are less insane…

Mayor of Bean Village: Hello, my useful mutant!  I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with that piece of wood about how I am crazy.

PF: Oh snapper!

Mayor of Bean Village: Listen, buddy, I’m not an unreasonable Bean.  I’ll cut you a deal: if you can adequately convince the Moustachio Territory to stop plaguing our countryside with their trimmings, I’ll get you some gas for your airship.

PF: You have Ginger Fizz!?

Mayor of Bean Village: I don’t know what that is.  But we DO have Bean Gas, and I think you’ll find it to be sufficiently buoyant and pleasantly aromatic!

PF: This does not seem unreasonable…  Okay, I shall not run away and help you instead.  FOR THE BEAN GAS!

Mayor of Bean Village: Oh, and if you fail, of course, I will reinstate Splashy Smashy.

PF:
Of course!  Of course.

Current Mood: Jeepers!
Discoveries Made: The Strategem of NOT speaking secrets aloud into my Log.

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Blobby Log Day 66

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 2: Bean Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Afternoon; Day 66
Weather: Brown-out.
Landscape: I cannot see my nubbin in front of my face.

NOTES:

We are off on yet another mission!  The 3BT are accompanying me as part of their parole.  Say hello to Blobby, boys!

Sid: What up, Sweaty B!

PF: Hm, yes, what up INDEED.  The hair snow is upon us, just light flurries, and we are marching toward Moustachio Territory.  I believe I should have no trouble convincing these flying Moustaches to cease their intrusive hair disposal habits, then I shall collect my Bean Gas, and be on my way – ONCE AGAIN TO THE SKIES!

Still, though sufficiently icky, I do not understand why the Beans despise the hair so.  I mean, it kind of tickles!  Tee-hee!

Bonzo: Man, you don’t get it.  Beans and hair have been at each other’s throats since the beginning of TIME…

Blobby:
Beans and hair have throats?

Bonzo: …I can’t think of a more demoralizing predicament than to be a Bean coated in some jerk’s stubble.  We may be low-lifes, P. Flig, but we still got pride.  Blugh!

PF: I am not sure I understand.  Perhaps were I to walk in your Bean-Shoes…

Sid: Dang, this hair is TREATING my LIFE right now, yo.

PF:
Truly, Sid.  It is really starting to pick up the closer we get to the Moustachio Border.

Gree:
*Tooey* *tooey* *peh* *peh* *pa-tooey*!

PF:
This is no time for ill beats, my child.

Hairstorm!!!Bonzo:
Gree’s not beat boxing, he’s spitting out this crazy hair snow.  MAN this stuff is EVERYWHERE.

Sid: Ah!  I can’t hang, joe!

Gree:
*Pa-tooey*!

PF:
Stay strong, lads!  I know your pride is being mutilated currently, but we must not fail!

Bonzo:
Sorry, P. Flig, we can’t take this!

Sid: We gotta bounce!

Bonzo: Thanks for freeing us, man.  Good luck!

Sid: Stay dope, P. Flig!

Gree: Though you may be pursued by creatures from the blackest parts of creation, you must not err in your task!  You have been chosen, Frederick!  Chosen!!!

PF:
Blobby, Roy… we are alone in this needley blizzard!

Current Mood: Abandoned.
Discoveries Made: Beans and hairs don't mix!