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Blobby Log Owners Manual

Archive: Introduction
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Blobby Log Day 1

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 1; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Cold, but sunny
Landscape: Classroom

NOTES:

First Photopainting!
My first Blobby Log entry! I thought the 3rd Quarter of the 47th term would never come for me on Professor Island, but it has, and now I am one big step closer to being Full Professor. Together, my Blobby Log and I may now start the epic journey forth into the depths of Professor Island to name, to study, to Discover! I know the last new Discovery was made over 300 terms ago, but I would not be a dutiful Discoverist if I did not have the audacity to believe!

Current Mood: Hopeful!
Discoveries Made: None

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 2

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 2; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Sunny
Landscape: Fields of Stone

NOTES:

PillarsI am out in the Field, looking to Discover a Discovery! The sun smiles on my dreams and I do believe I shall Discover at least a BILLION Discoveries by midterm! Look out Professor Island, your museums are about to be strangled with the name Professor Fliggins!

Current Mood: Manic!
Discoveries Made: None!

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Blobby Log Day 3

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Mid-Morning; Day 3; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Partly Cloudy
Landscape: Monocle Chain River

NOTES:

River CompassNothing new to report. My Teachers tell me that I should focus more on analytical writing than New Discovery, that it is futile in this era of Post-Discoverism, but I am not deterred. While my classmates turn in bland essay after bland essay for the Teachers to eat, I shall be handing in the sweet tasty newness.

I am in the river today looking under rocks. I believe I have befriended a river compass – she follows me from stone to stone, and what sounds distinctly like giggling emanates from her hinge. Hello little compass, will you lead me to your underwater living room of straight lines and perfect circles? Can you teach me a new geometry? I would be so grateful.

I hope she makes it home okay.

River Compass

Current Mood: Studious
Discoveries Made: Besides friendship, none

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Blobby Log Day 4

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 4; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Hot!
Landscape: The Chopkins Hillocks

NOTES:

BunkerI have a new stratagem! I shall lie in waiting, in this tiny bunker, and wait for the Discoveries to come to me! I have rubbed myself in layers upon layers of noxious animal filth so that I may fool the passing beasts into thinking me simple earth. I stink of nature, but it is quite worth it should I Discover a new beast. I do not need to explain the acclaim that would be heaped upon me should I succeed, dear Blobby Log. My current stench would be directly proportional to the amount of libraries, dormitories, and streets to be named after me. The whole island will reek of my glory!

Current Mood: Stinky
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 5

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 5; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Showers
Landscape: Showers

NOTES:

Banishment!?I have been banished from University for the day. As Professor Starney wrote on my day-banishment papers: “Professor Fliggins may only return to University should he no longer smell worse than anything I have ever smelled in my entire life.”

I am taking the day to bathe.

Current Mood: Stinky
Discoveries Made: Shame

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Blobby Log Day 6

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Late Morning; Day 6; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Rainy
Landscape: Rainy

NOTES:

Professor QuadI was allowed back to University today. I no longer stink, though my classmates and teachers treat me as if I do. I have an essay due soon on “Who is the most influential Professor in the field of Wood and why?”

I do not know about wood. I, daresay, do not care about it either.

Current Mood: None
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 7

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Late Morning; Day 7; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Rainy
Landscape: Rainy

NOTES:

These grey rains persist. My soul drowns in the relentless, colorless wet.

Current Mood: Rainy
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 9

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 9; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Rain rain rain
Landscape: My office at home – in disarray

NOTES:

I have resigned to the belief that it is the Professor’s natural state to be without and wanting – it is our purpose.

In times long ago, the want served Discoverists well; an insatiable thirst for newness, the obliteration of barriers and the unknown, the mists of primitive consciousness swept away daily, never knowing if sanctuary or pitfall lay on the other side. This island is now a desert for Discovery and the instincts of its inhabitants are slapped uselessly upon its indifferent shores.

Current Mood: None
Discoveries Made: None

Hereinto referenced:

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Blobby Log Day 11

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 11; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Mist
Landscape: The Cliffs of Contemplation

NOTES:

A Discovery?!Blobby Log, dear friend, it is with some caution that I report to you now, I believe I have Discovered. Which is to say, it appears that I have made a Discovery. Indeed, I am currently of the mind that I am in the possession of that which is referred to in my long studies and tireless searching within and without as a New Thing. My heart. My heart is a galloping beast, a boulder tumbling impossibly fast toward an unsuspecting village of conclusions, and the shushing Librarian of my reservations cannot be heard over the ruckus.

That which has been found: A primitive/interstellar device that may or may not have been used for communication with parallel dimensions. It is approx. 6 in. wide, 2 in. tall, and fractions of an inch thick. A sturdy bar of a material unknown spans its length, like the arms of a welcoming mother stretched wide. At either end, sticking towards the sky – my future – from where our light pours down, a father who hugs its children in his illuminating warmth, there points tiny antennae transmitting or receiving I know not which, though it practically hums with an energy – a second life – that I have never felt until today.

I apologize, tender and kind Blobby Log, for my previous despair. Perhaps a consolation prize for you will be our immediate induction into The Professor Island Museum Hall of Academic Heroes of Fame and Import. I must clean my dress mortarboard and robes. I must prepare my acceptance speech. I must say farewell forever to the life of a disgusting, lonesome, occasionally smelly nobody.

Vampire Smile?

Current Mood: My innards are exclamation points!!!
Discoveries Made: I shall call it, “Friendly Vampire Smile!”

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Blobby Log Day 12

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 12; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: What is weather, really?
Landscape: The dungeons of my own idiocy.

NOTES:

I presented my “Discovery” to Professor Stubbler this morning. It was handled in the Old Way, its Museum Entrance Form already filled out in full and notarized. I even put a pretty green ribbon on it.

Stubbler laughed the meanest cackle ever heard anywhere and informed me that I had merely Discovered an overused comb.

I will not talk of it any longer. The rains have returned, the storms are my eyes.

Current Mood: Hollow
Discoveries Made: None. None none nothing ever at all forever.

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Blobby Log Day 17

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 17; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Clear
Landscape: My home office

NOTES:

Pants: 3rd EditionI am sorry I have not updated in a while.

I have buried my Discoverist dreams now, erected a suitable memorial, and am currently in the business of finding more realistic ambitions. But what?

Maybe I should be a lexicographer and write another dictionary for the word “pants” – I have always loved that word and have found the current dictionaries of it to be seriously lacking in their treatment of the pants’s, well, pantsiness.

I will set out to define tonight.

Current Mood: Clear
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 18

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 18; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Still
Landscape: University

NOTES:

My Word!I am not a lexicographer.

Why can I not be like the others – the Farmer Professors joyfully growing the stone pillars of new Universities, the Dancing Professors drafting dissertations daily with the quills of their feet, the simple and unconditional studiousness of Professor Puppies; oh and my Teacher Professors, how I long for Full Professorship like theirs – to hand down judgments and orders, to bask in respect, adoration, and credibility, to hold those epic Faculty Meetings at the Coliseum and play out the power struggles of my department to the riotous applause of Grad Student Professors!

One amazing Faculty Meeting I had Blobby copy down went as such:

Stubbler: Surely you do not mean to imply that our purpose at the University is to become oafish layabouts and leisure stalkers, Professor Barklebaum?

Barklebaum: Why, I have implied no such thing!

Stubbler: That is not what is said by your insistence on prematurely ending your office hours by thirty seconds every week!

Barklebaum: My word!

(Rapturous cheers.)

Huzzah!

I had always believed I was destined to be cheered for, not to be the one who does the cheering. Perhaps this is what reality is.

Current Mood: Day-dreamering
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 19

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 19; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Picnicle
Landscape: Professor Bluggle’s Picnic Grounds

NOTES:

Professor Stubbler is becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the quality of my analytical writing. He told me (in front of EVERYBODY) that the last essay I turned in nearly choked him to death from the length of its run-on sentences. He could not even finish eating it and he gave me an F! An F!

F!

He said if I do not start handing him digestible arguments soon, he will fail me and charge my student account for his medical treatment! Because my essays give him food poisoning! An F! Food poisoning!  Gah!

More like Prof Dumbler!

Current Mood: O Despair!
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 20

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 20; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Foreboding
Landscape: The Professor Cranbert Quad

NOTES:

I am running out of time. I need to wow the University soon or I am certain they will not pass me into the 48th Term! A stellar essay will not cut it anymore, I need to turn in an Encyclopedia, or invent a new Bowtie, or eradicate those annoying Screaming Beetles. I do not want to delude myself into thinking I could actually make a Discovery, though that would certainly do the trick. And how marvelous that would be… To Discover would really make that old Stubbler choke on words, this time, those words would be not mine but his own! Oh now I am all worked up again. Conflict!

Okay.  I will go to the beach tomorrow and Friendly Vampire Smile the sand until I discover something new. This is my last hope – if I find nothing, I shall become the Phantom of Professor Island, haunting its hallowed halls, playing menacing pipe organ music till all hours of the night!

Current Mood: Desperate!
Discoveries Made: Gosh!

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Blobby Log Day 21

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 21; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Clear
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Nothing found today.

Current Mood: Calm
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 22

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 22; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Cloudy
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Nothing found today.

Missed Midterms.

Current Mood: Calm
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 23

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 23; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: The Pencil Rain
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Unkempt...Nothing today.

Third day sleeping on the beach.

I am cold and my mustache and dollop are violently unkempt.

I have even developed a smidgen of stubble.

Current Mood: Calm-ish
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 25

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 25; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Cloudy
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Nothing discovered.

Perhaps I am to be the first Professor Hermit.

They have probably begun looking for me, if they even care at all.

Current Mood: I do not want to talk about it.
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 28

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 28; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Cloudy
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Sneaking modeStill nothing, of course.

Encountered the first search party looking for me.  They had the gruz monsters with them – excellent search beasts they are.  I had to go to great lengths to avoid capture – the searchers calling my name are expert Discoverists, two Full Professors among them – but I outwitted them at every turn.  I really am quite pleased with myself.

Maybe I can start a cult of anti-social professors who break the Oath to Discover.  I shall found the University of Hiderists…  No!  Concealerists! – our institutions will have unhallowed halls built of air and whispers, our robes the shadows, our chalkboards this wet sand – erased clean by every high tide.

Perhaps the only way to be great in Post-Discoverism is to be a great Mystery, a great Nuisance, a great Nothing – opening not like a book but like the sky, not full of knowledge but full of absence.  Fame, one way or another, will be mine!

Current Mood: Maniacal! (Blobby Log Editorial Mood: a little frightened.)
Discoveries Made: None

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Blobby Log Day 30

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 30; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Whatever
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Today I am officially giving up.  I am not returning to school ever.  Tiny crustaceans live in my facial hair and I am disgrace professorfied.  I do not even care.

You are my only companions now, Blobby Log and Roy H. Biv.  You can take dictation and photopaint only to remind future versions of myself each stage of my descent into…

What is that?

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: ...

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Blobby Log Day 31

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 31; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: I don't know...
Landscape: I don't know...

NOTES:

Oh new wicker thing!Oh I don’t know, Blobby.  I just don’t know.  I have.  I don’t know what I have.  Something.  Some Thing.  Wicker is it?  It’s a wicker thing.  Wickery thing.

New?  New Thing?  New wicker Thing?  O Thing.  O New Thing.

O New Wicker Thing.

Current Mood: *gargle*
Discoveries Made: *hiccup*

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Blobby Log Day 33

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 33; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: There is light sometimes without the sun.
Landscape: The Professor Professor Professor Island Library

NOTES:

So look, okay, here is the Thing – after safely stowing away my little wicker gem, I have broken into the Professor Island Library.  I have searched and researched the mountainous Card Catalog, the treacherous Encyclopedia Pit, done battle with the mighty Information Minnow-taur, and I have found nothing describing this Woven Wicker Thing I stumbled upon the shore.  It is not Functional.  It is not Fashionable.  It is (definitely) not Edible.  It seems to be simultaneously excellent for slumber and the transportation of mass quantities of picnic food.

So here I am.  I have Discovered.  Had I not broken the Professor Island Oath with my flippant class-skipping, I could be inducted as a Full Professor tomorrow.

Field Drawing 4.0

Current Mood: What to do? What to do?
Discoveries Made: Well, I will tell you – I have discovered a big wicker conundrum.

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Blobby Log Day 34

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 34; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Surprisingly windy.
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Here are the facts on the ground:

  1. I am a loathed outsider to my entire society.
  2. I have Discovered a Thing that would have heaped acclaim upon me in the times of unloathing.
  3. There are only a few Full Professors still around.  I know they have long-accepted the Truth that there is nothing left to Discover.
  4. I have Discovered a Thing.  Therefore:
  5. The Truth is not itself.
  6. This Thing was made by non-Professor hands.  Therefore:
  7. There is a wonderful wicker world outside of Professor Island.
  8. To leave Professor Island is a near impossible feat.  The rocks and volcanoes that encircle us are impassable.  By boat.

My sense of Truth is thrown all akimbo.  What is next?  Will the Astronomers tell us the Sun is not a giant lightbulb switched off nightly by the Great Sky Professor?  I am shaken to my core!

So I could probably use my Discovery to at least be accepted back into society, which would be fine and things would eventually return to Normal again.  On the other hand, would not the truest, purest act of a real Discoverist be to find this Undiscovered Wicker Country from Beyond?  If not by boat, could I not fly?  What is, really, this need to feel Normal?

Current Mood: Inventor-like
Discoveries Made: The very realness of afar.

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Blobby Log Day 35

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 35; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: The clouds never looked so friend-like.
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

Clipping!So I am now a thief.  On top of all my other transgressions, I have added thievery!  Thiefer, me!

I have taken approximately one hundred handkerchiefs from the sills of Baker Professors who placed them unsuspectingly atop delicious analytical pies.  I have done so for Discovery, though more and more it seems I am symbolically using the Professor Island Oath as my own personal handkerchief for which to store my metaphorical snots.  I do apologize for symbolically snotting on you Oath I hold so dear, but my theft is justified – I Believe.

I am building a Dirigible.  The kerchiefs, when sewn together, will be the balloon, or envelope, where air will be stored.  And the only air I know to be light enough for such an airship is tasty Ginger Fizz Bubble Air.

Current Mood: Thieferific!
Discoveries Made: Moral Compromise

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Blobby Log Day 37

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 37; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Smokey
Landscape: The Beach

NOTES:

photopainting_37Building a transcontinental airship from scratch is difficult.  That is advice I can offer to future generations from my personal experience – are you listening, kiddies?

Specifically:

  • Sewing is difficult.
  • Coating kerchiefs in airtight wax is difficult.
  • Conceptualizing a Ginger Fizz Bubble distribution system is difficult.
  • Manufacturing aforementioned Ginger Fizz Bubble distribution sytesm is difficult.
  • Steering system – difficult.
  • Packing travel supplies – difficult.
  • Managing my fear – difficult.
  • Doing all this in secret is oh so difficult.

I have created many tiny explosions in these efforts.  My mustache is now comically singed and frayed.  My little nubbins are being worn down to smaller, less useful nubbins.  Tomorrow will be my first air test.

Current Mood: Sleepless!
Discoveries Made: ka-BOOM!

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Blobby Log Day 38

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 38; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: ...
Landscape: Why always with these questions!

NOTES:

Just cool yourself down!  Cool it down!  I cannot handle how you are always pestering!  I am trying my very darnedest.  Okay?  Is this OKAY WITH YOU?  Darnedest Darnit!

I just… You know…

*sigh*

It is not you, Blobby.  It is me.  I am sorry.  Life is hard.

Current Mood: Blech.
Discoveries Made: Mustache Wax is also good for healing accidental, self-inflicted Discovery Wounds.

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Blobby Log Day 39

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 39; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Well, let me TELL you about the WEATHER.
Landscape: The Heavens!

NOTES:

photopainting_39Wee-oooh!  First successful test flight!  It is like, hey now!  Hello, test flight!

We flew for twelve intense seconds and the birds were TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.  That is right, my avian pals, there is a new boss in your air village.  Recognize!

New boss.  Uh-huh.  Look out.  Do not be late for work.  Woo.  All right.

Current Mood: Floating
Discoveries Made: Heavens!

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Blobby Log Day 40 (part 1)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 40; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: ...
Landscape: ...

NOTES:

Blobby, wake up!  Wake up!  Are you typing?  They have come for me!  Are you getting this?  We must flee!  Hundreds of Professors are coming!  We must take to the skies now, there is not time for goodbyes.  Blobby are you even getting this?  BLOBBY!

Blobby: YEFF!  I CAN’T TYPER ANR TARK ATR TSAMULTARNEREOUSLY!

PF: There is no need to yell, Blobby – it is simply so DRAMATIC right now!  They even have torches!  Oh they must be angry for the kerchiefs I stole.  iiI Amamaam asooSTrtaarltledd!

Blobby: STORP SHRAKING EmeEEM!

PF: Ah!!  Control yourself, Fliggins!

Right then, we must document this historic flight!  Oh, flight means two things there, document that entendre!

I am running to the ship!  Run run run.  *huff*  Run!  Stay away!

?: Fliggins, have you lost your mind?!

PF: You cannot stop a Discoverist!

I am in the ship.  Okay.  Fire up the Ginger Fizz, thing.  Thing!  Um.  Open the flange!  Er, that’s not a flange, but I am opening it.  Switch.  Thing…

KRRRRRREEEEEACK.  BOOF!

Stay away!

?: We just want to speak with you, we thought you were beast-eaten.

PF: Poppycock!  Torch-mobs are not for talking!  Away!  Away!

?: FLIGGINS!  WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

PF: I am going to the Wicker Land, where I will Discover again!  Do you EVEN remember Discovery?  I am sorry, colleagues, but I must follow this Heart I have!  You will be proud upon my return, I swear it!  Farewell!  Farewell, dear colleagues!

*sigh* We are away, Blobby, careening toward the future, toward volcanoes, toward a World where perhaps, perhaps I will finally belong.

*sniff*

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: Independence

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Blobby Log Day 40 (part 2)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Introduction > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 40; 3rd Quarter; 47th Term
Weather: Smokey
Landscape: Over the Rocky Waters

NOTES:

GULP!hhmmrumph?  Must have fallen asleep.  Where’s the..?  Oh there are the volcanoes.  Yes, they are quite larger up close.  It, well, it looks like I will crash into the side of this rather giant one right in front of me.  Cannot gain altitude.  Ummm.  Okay.

Blobby, this, well, this is it.  I would like to thank you and Roy for your truly exceptional service.  I am  sorry for shaking you this morning.  Let us be brave, lads.  The Great Common Discovery is about to be brought upon us, and I do not regret a thing.  Keep typing till the end, Blobby…

woooOOOOORRRSSSSHHHHHHH!

?: HEY!  WHASSIS?  GIMME!

PF: Excuse me?  Who is speaking?

Cy: Wha-hey, little feller!  My name’s Cy – I like yer sky-pimple!

PF: What are you?

Cy: Ma says I’m a perfect storm, but I’m just a regular ol’ hurricane.  You wanna be dashed against these here volcaners?

PF: No, not particularly.  My, as you say, sky-pimple could not climb high enough to clear the, erm, volcaners.

Cy: Oh!  Well I can help!  Batten down yer bonnets, here we go!

FLOOOOOSSSHHHH!

Blobby Log Ed. Note: Roy and I have airbags in the log, so we would have been fine crashing into the volcano.  But don’t tell PF, he’s very sensitive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ELECTRICAL INTERFERENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Current Mood: Intense Fear.
Discoveries Made: A talking weather phenomenon.