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Blobby Log Owners Manual

Archive: Vol. 1
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Blobby Log Day 153

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 11: Foodlandia > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Fluorescent Morning; Day 153
Weather: Muzaky
Landscape: Rows of delicious savings for MILES!

NOTES:

We are inside the walls of Supermarket City after a heck of a time trying to clamber up that wall of wet pasta…

Hobo Sandwich: It’s a lot easier if you’re made of starch…  I shoulda mentioned that…

PF: Surely.  My GOODNESS, this place is overwhelming!

Disembodied Nasal Voice: Welcome to Supermarket City, where all the flavors live.  Specials today include: War.

PF: Was that Mom?

Hobo Napkin: No, that was one of the Cashier Ministers.  They make all the official government announcements.

KA-BLAM!

Disembodied Nasal Voice: Shrapnel and Dark Syrup explosion clean-up in the Organic Food District.

Hobo Napkin: We’re at the back of the City, since we had to sneak in, so we’ll need to get past the allure of Deli and Bakery Night Clubs, go through the Cereal and Juice District – which are aisles of high-rise condo-shelving units.  Then we need to travel beyond the check-out lines to get to Customer Service, where Mom’s office/war room is.

PF: Okay.

Hobo Sandwich: But it’s not so easy!  You’ll be tempted by all the savings and impulse purchases offers!  The giant tabloid bill boards with their seductive stories of surprisingly fat celebrities and terrorist alien babies – the journey has driven good rural Foodlandians INSANE!

PF: Really?

Hobo Napkin: Yeah – guys twice as big as you and ten times more attractive…

Hobo Sandwich: Once we gain audience with Mom, you gotta get her to give us a new Picnic Basket Cottage.  She really dropped the ball when it was time to get us disaster relief after Hurricane Cy blew our house out to sea!  It was criminal!

Hobo Napkin: I can’t believe we voted for Mom…

PF: I shall do my best, despite these obvious muscular and facial deficiencies.  Come on, gang – let us go get Mom!

Current Mood: What is the opposite of dreamboaty? Nightmaresubmariney? Whatever that is...
Discoveries Made: That I shall not be winning any of the Foodlandia Beauty Pageants. Also, THE PERILOUS PATH TO MOM!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 152

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 11: Foodlandia > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning Rush Hour; Day 152
Weather: Sploosh-Kaboom!
Landscape: Blarsh! Warrrsssshhhooooom! Yeah!

NOTES:

KA-BOOOOM!

Foodlandia Fish Stick Sentry: Look lively, boys!  These Devils are getting better at dodging the condiment cannons…

SPLOOSH! SPLORSH! SPLUSH!

PF: Oh, how thrilling!

Hobo Sandwich: Yeah yeah, war is very exciting, just don’t get us blown up.  Now, go down there, by the Brussels sprout shrubs.

PF: Delicious!

Roy: Gross…

Hobo Sandwich: Then make a left toward the Salad Dressing Fountains…

Hobo Napkin: You’re not taking him past the Salad Dressing Fountains, are you?

Hobo Sandwich: Yes, Doreen, we go past the Fountains and up the Linguini Trellis – saves us seven minutes…

Hobo Napkin: At this time of day?  It’ll be packed!

Hobo Sandwich: Yeah, but there’s also A WAR GOING ON so I THINK sensible, non-lunatic Foodlandians are, you know, cowering in fear…

Hobo Napkin: Oh I’ll show YOU how to COWER.

Hobo Sandwich: I’d like to see you try!

PF: FRIENDS!  Please direct me through your countryside, otherwise when we are all decimated by the condiment cannons THEN we all get to be right.

Hobo Sandwich:

Hobo Napkin: Turn left here…

Current Mood: Glad I am not married.
Discoveries Made: The subjective nature of fastest routes to the Linguini Trellis.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 151

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 11: Foodlandia > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Midnight; Day 151
Weather: Ketchup rains down like scripture.
Landscape: Like we are walking upon one giant meatloaf. I think we actually are...

NOTES:

I surely do apologize, sir – I did not mean to…

Hobo Sandwich: …To take a bite out of MY HEAD?  Of course you didn’t mean to, ya moron!

?: Earl, what’s going on out there?  What are you doing?

Hobo Sandwich: Nothing, honey, just stay in the sack.

?: I’m not going to stay inside the sack when it’s being picked up in the middle of the night and some giant nubbin reaches through our ceiling and picks you up and… OH MY GOD, EARL – YOUR HEAD!

Hobo Sandwich: Now don’t go makin’ a big stink, it’s just a bite…

Hobo Napkin: Just a bite?  Half your head is gone!

Hobo Sandwich: Go back in the sack, Doreen, I’m handling this…

Hobo Napkin: Oh, sure, then this monstrosity can reach in and blow his big nose into me…

PF: Big nose?

Hobo Napkin: Use what’s left of your head, Earl!  And here I thought you couldn’t get any dumber…

Hobo Sandwich: Will you pipe down!  I can’t hear myself think…

Hobo Napkin: Oh that’s odd, because I can hear you think just fine and it sounds to me like the Hunchback’s finally moved out of the bell-tower you were bad for his IMAGE!

PF: *snicker*

Hobo Napkin: What are you laughing at, ugly?

PF: Oh, please do not point your disdain at me, madame!

Hobo Napkin: Oh, I’m just warming up, you…

?: Wahhhh!

Hobo Napkin: Look what you two did, you woke up the kids!

PF: Your children are corn chips?

Hobo Napkin: Hey, you got no room to judge, you hang around with a pile of snot, flying facial hair, and a debilitated sea monster.

Blobby, Moustachia, & Roy: Hey!

Hobo Corn Chip Kid #1: Wahhh!  Mommy, the bad man broke me in half!

Hobo Napkin: Oh, good lord, let me look at you…  Well at least it was a clean break…

Hobo Corn Chip Kid #2: Is Francis going to the chip bag in the sky, Mommy?

Hobo Napkin: No, sweetheart – he’ll be fine after we get some nacho powder to bind his wounds…

Hobo Corn Chip Kid #1: I don’t wanna go to the sky bag, Mommy!

Hobo Napkin: Do you see what you’ve done?  How am I gonna afford nacho binding powder in THIS economy?  We’re not even insured…

PF: I am terribly sorry, I…

Hobo Napkin: Pa-tooey! I spit on your sorries!  Tooey pa-tooey!

PF: Spitting napkins?! I would like to make it up to you.  How may I acquire the necessary items to mend your family?

Hobo Sandwich: We can only get those inside the walls of Supermarket City over there, and there seems to be a war going on, so the gate’s closed…

PF: Well, I need to get in as it is the last obstacle between me and my home…

Hobo Napkin: You know what was the obstacle between my home and you?  A thin wall of brown paper!  Now get out of here already while we figure out whose turn it is to sleep in the cellophane sleeping bag tonight.

Hobo Sandwich: Now settle down, Doreen.  Maybe this tubby guy can carry us through the secret path  into Supermarket City where we could finally talk to M-O-M.

Hobo Napkin: Hmmm…  Maybe…  He would just have to stop shattering the bodies of my children.

PF: Yes!  Show us the secret way and I will take you to this Mom…

Hobo Napkin: Oh wow, he can spell!

Hobo Sandwich: All right, let’s go then.

Blobby: I wonder if there are marriage counselors in Supermarket City…

Hobo Napkin: I heard that!  Mind your business, snot pile!

PF: Very good – on to Supermarket City!

Current Mood: So close, so close, so close...
Discoveries Made: The unique family dynamic of the Hobo Lunch Bunch.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 150

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 11: Foodlandia > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Dusk; Day 150
Weather: Red Rain..?
Landscape: Tasty...

NOTES:

Lump Treads: Lump.  Lump.  Lump.  Lump.

PF: How much farther to Foodlandia, Stubbler Hankie?

Stubbler Hankie: I am not sure, Frederick.

Roy: Eeek!  Devils approaching!

Blobby: Eeek?

Flying Devils: Yucks!  We’s coateds!  Falls back!

PF: It looks as if they are covered in their own… blood?  It is drippy!

Flying Devils: Sicks!   It burns ands stuff!

Blobby: Hey!  They dripped on me!  The Devil blood!  Ahhhh!  AHhhh!  It’s getting all over, it’s getting in my mouth, it’s… kinda tasty?

PF: What?  Let me taste… That is not Devil blood.  It is Catsup!

Roy: Ketchup.

PF: What did I say?

Roy: Look!

PF: I think we are at Foodlandia…  Lumps, HALT!

Roy: Wow!  Looks like the Foodlandians are giving Mr. Demon a run for his evil money!

Foodlandia Fish Stick Guard: Ketchup cannons, FIRE AT WILL!

*SPLAT SPLAT SPLORT SPLIP SPLAT*

Mr. Demon: It’s just condiments, people – get back here and fight you ninnies!  Regroup! Regroup!

PF: HaHA!  That shall teach that old meanie!  Luckily, he appears to have his hands super full right now, buying us time.  My those are some fortified walls.  I am just now wondering how we ourselves expect to get through them, what with the war going on and all…

Blobby: Yeah, without getting a faceful of tomato justive ourselves…

PF: Let us disembark here, just outside the fracas…  We shall survey the surrounding area to see whether or not we can break in.

Roy: I dunno, PF – those walls are HUGE.  This place looks like the most fortified supermarket I’ve ever seen!

PF: Truth to that… Hmm… Supermarket… Foodlandia, for some unknown reason, has reminded me just how hungry I have become.

Moustachia: I wondew why…

PF: Oh look, a bagged lunch – just sitting here!

CRUNCH!Blobby: How eerily convenient…

PF: Let us peruse our spoils – eh, lads?  Chips, a napkin, and HELLO HAM SANDWICH!  Our luck is changing.  *CRUNCH*

?: ARGHHH!  My head!  My head and face!

PF: *mmph* Ruh-roh.

?: AHH-oweeow ow ow!

PF: Sorry, sir.  I, um…  Well, I really should have seen this coming…

Ham Sandwich: Oh!  Agony!

PF:
Oh!  Discovery!

Discovery Link!

Current Mood: It is very difficult to describe my Feelings right now...
Discoveries Made: The Hobo Lunch Bunch!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 147

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 10: Lumplands > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 147
Weather: Clean!
Landscape: Good as new! Everything is spic-and-span - even the dirt is no longer dirty.

NOTES:

Good!  All done!  Every last bit of refuse is being put to good use.

Dum-Lump: Lump – lookee at my fancy new plastic necklace.  It fits tight!

Dummer-Lump: Tray mag-nuh-feek!  Lump.

Dum-Lump: Lump.

Dummer-Lump: Lump.

Land Lump: Well this is a glorious day!  Thank you from the bottom of my lump!

PF: Oh my pleasure, now – how can we get our airship to Foodlandia without flying in these Devil infested skies?

Land Lump: Well just look at it, my child!

PF: Zounds!

Land Lump: We learned a lot from you!  Seeing how you were able to invent new uses for old junk, we have redesigned your junky old Dirigible into a new LAND-CRAWLER, with trendy Lumpy-treads!

PF: REMARKABLE!  How does it work?

Land Lump: You simply glide forward atop our gentle Lump-friends here and they will massage your ship across the land by pushing it on their rolling backs.  When they reach the rear of the vessel, they just lump on up to the front again in and endless stream of lumpgenuity!

Roy: But what if the Flying Devils look down and see this tank thing rolling over the hills?

Land Lump: We have painted a big Lumpity smiley face on top of the kerchief balloon!

Blobby: So they’ll think it’s just a big dumb Lump bopping along…

Moustachia: Bwilliant!

PF: That you so much for this, Land Lump!  If I could purchase you and keep  you on my home mantle I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT.

Land Lump: That would nice, would it not?  And thank YOU, my child – it is because of your hard work that we are able to provide you with this gift.

PF: I retract all of the insults I have muttered under my breath these last few days.  You Lumps fellows are all right!

Land Lump: Delightful!  Now, hop aboard and go stop that littering Mr. Demon once and for all!

PF: Yes…  HE is the litterer.  Never forget, Land Lump.  Never again.  Lumps, AWAY!

Lump Treads: Lump.  Lump.  Lump.  Lump.  Lump…

Lump tank?!

Current Mood: Determined!
Discoveries Made: Yet another transformation to my Dirigible!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤