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Blobby Log Day 162

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 12: Professor Island > Vol. 1

Timestamp: High Noon; Day 162
Weather: Climactic.
Landscape: The opposite of pretty.


Mr. Demon: Come back! Don’t let an impressive amount of body parts discourage you. Well… Okay, sure you’ve defeated my army of zombie food products, but I still have my Flying Devils, and I’ve put earmuffs on them so they can’t be confused by any of your rhetorical trickery any longer. Flying Devils – ATTACK!

Flying Devils: Whats was that? A snack?

Mr. Demon: (flailing and complicated signals, generally conveying the message that the Devils should once again attack Professor Island.)

Flying Devils: Ohhhhhh! Let’s gets ‘em, boys! Maybe ifs we disposes of thems properly, we’lls get that snack the boss was yellin’s about!

Mr. Demon: BWA-HA-HA!

PF: It seems that we are in need of another nick of time miracle. The Professors are nearly powerless to deaf Devils.

Mr. Demon: I am full of disproportionate confidence!

?: Lump, lump, lump, lump, lump…

PF: Hmm…

?: Lump, lump, lump…

Flying Devils: Raarrrrrr!

?: Lump, lump, lump. We’re here!

PF: Oh, hello Land Lump. Um, you got my letter?

Land Lump: Yes, brother Fliggins. The Lumps moved as fast as we could as soon as it arrived. Also, we met a butterfly that was pretty, so we got a little distracted. But we are here to Lump you to victory!

PF: Well… That is… What is your strategy, Land Lump?

Land Lump: Oh. Well. Give me a second… Hummmmm.

Flying Devils: RARRRRR!

Land Lump: Let me see… Do you think we could take a nap first?


Mom: The Devils are almost here!

Land Lump: Oh! Oh no, they probably don’t need any pamphlets. Hmmm… This is a lot of pressure!

Kickies: We know what to do!

Roy: Hey! Look at the Kickies running on top of the water like that!

Mr. Demon: Whoa, cool! I mean… DARNIT!

Kane: Greetings! We received your missive, Fliggins. The Kickies would like to figuratively and literally kick butt for justice!

PF: Well, the Devils are too high to be kicked. Oh, duh and doi! Start kicking the Lumps at them!

Lumps: Lump?

Kickies: Yeah!

*Bup bup bup bip punt but bup*

Lumps: Lump, lump, ow, lump…

Flying Devils: Hey! Ow! Ouches! Lumped by Lumps! Ow!

Mr. Demon: Charge! Charge!

PF: Oh the Lumps are slowing them down, but not enough!

Sid: Hey, P. Flig, WHAT UP, SON!

PF: The Three Bean Teens, my Dogs and Cats!

Bonzo: We hitched a ride here with the Royal Moustachio Air Force and the Royal Barbers. Came up with a pretty sweet plan.

Sid: Joe, this thing is about to be on and popping!

PF: Oh, excellent, Gee! You are most certainly my brothers from other, very nice mothers. Where are the Moustachios and Beards?

Bonzo: They’re settin’ up their part of the plan. First, we gotta shoot this BEAN JUICE HOSE at the Devils! Let ‘er rip, Gree!

Gree: Wickey-wickey!


Flying Devils: Sicks! Beans juice! Sticky beans juice!

Bonzo: Okay, RMAF! NOW!


RMAF: Hello, old bean, so to speak – hope you don’t mind being covered in our MOUSTACHE CLIPPINGS!

PF: Pa-tooey! Hair blizzard!

Flying Devils: We’s tarred and featherds!

PF: More like “beaned and haired.”

Tarvis Whiskerton: Howdy, Fred!

PF: Oh! Tarvis! You have come to help too!

Professor Professor: Goodness, you never had this many friends before!

PF: I know!

Whiskerton: Yep! The Royal Barbers and me are gonna put the final touches on these here Devils. While they’re dazed, we’re gonna summon the powers from our Great Barberian Ancestors and doom these cretins to the worst possible fate known to all of Shawnimaland – BAD HAIRCUTS.

PF: You fiendish beard, you!

Whiskerton: Stand back, Fred! Barbers! Commence shearing!

Royal Barbers: Yeee-haw!

PF: This is simply remarkable.

Roy: Hey, here come the Pink Ninjas, floating on their bubble gum balloons like the best dream come to reality!

Pink Ninja: Hey, Professor Fliggins! We’re here to do what we do every month, stomp some evil!

PF: Well, thank you so much, this attack is all but thwarted.

Whiskerton: Voila! Now thems some UGLY HAIRCUTS.

Flying Devils: Nos! I gots likes three mullets and a hightops fade! I’s gots an amish beard ands the words “Rufus Rocks!” shaved on my scalps! Who’s Rufus?!

Pink Ninja: Girls, look! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pink Ninjas: Hoohoo! Hahahaha! HA!

Flying Devils: My deepest fears – BEIN’ LAUGHED AT BY LADIES! Embarrassments! Ah! Guh! Arg!

Pink Ninja: Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ho ha. Man. Man. Ha ha ha… SIGH. Oh, it feels good to laugh like that. PHEW.

Flying Devils: Oh goods, we laugheds ‘em tired!

Pink Ninjas: Not quite!

(Sounds of the Pink Ninjas beating every ounce of snot out of the discombobulated and ridiculous-looking Devils. How lovely.)

Hooray!Mr. Demon: Aw, geez!


PF: Wow – everyone is coming. It took me a year to find Professor Island, and now so many creatures are here… Hey-lo! Vampire Pants!

Vampire Pants: Bleh! Halp me!

PF: That is a fine boat you have there, sir! I see you got my letter of plea to help me too! Marvelous!

Vampire Pants: Letter? What letter? I’m running for my life from these two mobs you let into my house! I wouldn’t help you!

PF: Oh.

Angry Pants Mob: Get him! Get the evil Vampire!

Vampire Pants: I’m not a Vampire! Bleh! I’m just the PANTS of a Vampire!

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt the beautiful Vampire Pants! We love him! Vampires are SO COOL! SWOOOON!!!

PF: Goodness, we did kind of leave you hanging… I have an idea! *ahem* BOY, I SAY, VAMPIRES ARE SO LAME AND STUFF!

Pants Mobs: What did he say?


Hysterical Pants Mob: Liar!


Angry Pants Mob: What’s he saying?




Flying Devils: Huh?

Hysterical Pants Mob: Yeah. Vampires are so played. I heard Vampires can’t even use a mirror – GRODY! Devils are pretty hawt tho. Totesally hawt! YEAH! DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS!

PF: Hey, look over there! SO MANY DREAMBOATY DEVILS!

Angry Pants Mob: Devils! Why they’re even more amoral than Vampires! Get the Devils! Burn the Devils!

Flying Devils: Uh-oh…

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt our precious Devils! WE LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE!

PF: That should take care of that.

Flying Devils: Ah! Ah! Gets ‘em off me! Theys burning and hugging! Ow OH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

PF: See you later, evil!

The Forces of Good: HOORAY!

Mr. Demon: Crud. It doesn’t matter! I will take you all on myself! I’m quite the scrapper, and my anonymous friend here with the comb-over will lead me right to all your secrets! Professor Island IS MINE!

Moustachia: Gimme that costume, mistew!

?: Stay away from me, little flying Moustache!

Professors: GASP!

PF: Why, Mr. Demon’s accomplice… it is… PROFESSOR STUBBLER!

Professor Stubbler: Oh are you that surprised?

Professor Professor: Oh, Stubbler, how could you? We had some doubts about your last few books about the study of Dark Syrup ingestion, but we never thought you would turn EVIL. This will have to go up for review with the Council of Provosts…

Professor Stubbler: Your Council of Provosts can CRAM IT!

Professors: DOUBLE GASP!

PF: If you keep shocking the Professors, Stubbler, you are going to make them hyperventilate!

Professor Stubbler: I do not get any respect around here! I am too BRILLIANT for Professor Island! Mr. Demon respects my brain!

Mr. Demon: Sure!

Professor Stubbler: A brain so large it scared away most of the hair from my head! Stupid hair! It did not respect me!

PF: Stubbler, you sold out your home.

Professor Stubbler: How does that make me any different from you, Fliggins? You ran away from this place. You could not succeed in our circuitous academic system, so instead of accepting your failure and facing it, you retreated. In fact, if you did not leave, Mr. Demon would have never even come here. We are the same!

Professors: TRIPLE GASP!

Professor Weezygrist: Huff Huff. I need an inhaler… Too many… surprises…

Professor Professor: Is this true, Fliggins? Did you lead Mr. Demon here?

PF: Yes…

Professors: QUADRUPLE…

PF: BUT! But, I was put in a trance by Dark Syrup AND he spied on me. I have spent the year taking in LIFE. Looking at it from every imaginable angle! If you just stay at home, friends, you will not know how to properly value it. You will fall into a daze. You will live your life unconsciously, not knowing about all the wonders that await you elsewhere! It is in the Elsewhere that I found the real meaning of Home.

Professor Stubbler: Poppycock and applesauce!

PF: Stubbler, you foolish turdmouth! Do you not see? We are NOT the same. I have been forced out of my comfort zone and given the gift of JUDGMENT! I do not LET things happen to me – I judge them and can now decide if they are good or evil or delicious or made of facial hair or are a whale…

Blubba: Someone beckon me?

PF: Blubba!

Blubba: I got your letter, and finally put the pieces together about where I was born. THESE ARE MY BIRTH WATERS!

PF: I see.

Blubba: I am so grateful, I would help you out of any thicket!

Mr. Demon: OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED. All right, freakshows, I don’t care about what you’ve Discovered… prepare to be conquered!

Blubba: You, Kane, the Stealth Kicky!

Kane: Yes, my dear smelly abomination?

Blubba: Do us the honor of Kicking me in the rumpside one more time…

PF: Huh?

Kane: Ha ha. Yes, Blubba, sir. Yes indeed.


ULP!Blubba: Thank you, Frederick Fliggins! I will always be grateful to you!

Mr. Demon & Professor Stubbler: What the..?

Blubba: *ULP!*


The Forces of Good: Hooray!

Blobby: Blubba just swallowed Mr. Demon and Stubbler. He’s not so bad after all!

Blubba: Thank you, Professor Fliggins! I will now swim these rapscallions to the adjacent corner of the planet! Fair thee well!

PF: Thank you, Blubba! You are a wonderful monster!

Blubba: You too, my friend! You too!

Mom: Fliggins you did it! Let’s celebrate!

PF: Yes. Celebration. Right. Perhaps we could first take a ZZZZZZZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzz…

Mom: Yes. Of course.

Professors: ZZZZZZZZ zzzzzz snore-hiccup zzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzzzz…

Current Mood: zzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz...
Discoveries Made: zzzz - snuh - uh - zzzZZZzzz-lala-lovezzz... love...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 140 (part two)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 9: Pantsylvania > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Evening; Day 140
Weather: Zoom!
Landscape: Woosh!


Hurry!  Always hurry!  We must get to Foodlandia before that Evil Mailbox tells Mr. Demon how to find Professor Island!  Blobby – use your boneless body to pick the lock on Vampire Pants’s castle door so we may re-enter and get our Dirigible off the roof.

Blobby: You want me to squeeze into that keyhole?  It’s dirty!

PF: THERE IS NO TIME FOR DICUSSIONS OF HYGIENE!  Besides, you are a blob, squeezing into small , dark crevices is the best part of being spineless!

Ugh.  Okay.  Roy, take dictation while I’m in there…

Roy: Uh… Okay. UM.  LIKe thiS?  Howt werk typmographer?  PF says it’s just like writing by handbutI don’t thinkso it is that easy – stop yelling!- yes I’m writing what you’re saying . .  this is hard. I wonder how the pink ninja is doing.  she sure wuz swell… whassat? Oh 0- asdfjkl

Blobby: Move over.  What’s this stuff?

Roy: Hey, typing is hard!  Everyone was talking so fast!

PF: Cease your bickering!  Thank you for picking the lock, Blobby – we are nearly to the roof…

Vampire Pants: BLEH!  Oh, hello – what’s up?

PF: This talking hankie –

Stubbler Hankie: Hello.

PF: – has told me how to return home.  I am all set to save my island from Mr. Demon!

Vampire Pants: That’s so great!  BLEH!  Let’s take you to your airship!

PF: Yipee!

Moustachia: Finawwy, ow twavews have puwpose!

Vampire Pants: Here she is, right where you blehft her!  I even laundered the kerchiefs for you.

Stubbler Hankie: Nice.

PF: Oh, thank you so much, Vampire Pants!

Vampire Pants: No problehm.  Say, did you convince those crazy pants mobs outside that I wasn’t a vampire and just regular, misunderstood pants?

PF: Ummm… You know, I do not think we really got around to that…

Vampire Pants: Oh.  Well, thanks anyway.  Let me help you into the basket here…

PF: Fire up the motor to this mother!  We… are… OFF!

Vampire Pants: Bye, Professor Fliggins!  You’re the only person who ever accepted me for who I am!

PF: Farewell, friend!

Vampire Pants: One last thing!  Did you lock the door?

PF: What was that?

Vampire Pants: The door! Did you lock it?

PF: Uhhh…

Good luck and good bye!Angry Pant Mob: The creature!

Hysterical Pant Mob: The dreamboat!

Vampire Pants: Oh no!

Pant Mobs: Get him!

PF: Bye now, Vampire Pants!  Good luck and such!  What a nice fellow…

Current Mood: Go go go!
Discoveries Made: Clean kerchiefs!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 113

As written by Blobby in Chapter 7: The Big Blue > Vol. 1

Timestamp: WHO KNOWS; Day 113
Weather: ...
Landscape: ...


Blubba: …and so there is a warm current originating in the southwestern seas, well to you it is southwestern, to me there isn’t a compass at all – there is just an infinite loop, a perpetuality that only announces itself through familiar landmarks.  For instance, I know the warm currents are in the southwestern, to you, seas because of the volcanic ring that I bump into each time I have circumnavigated the globe, which has been no more than five thousand three hundred eighty-nine times, no less than five thousand three hundred eighty-seven times.  These warm waters happen to be the very location of my birth, that joyous and horrid occasion whereupon I was catapulted into this disgusting, wicked, sometimes okay world.  But before we arrive at this critical event, let me paint a more vivid picture of the creatures who populated these particular birth waters.  We will start with the mid-wife who birthed me and work in concentric circles away from her until we have covered every cubic inch of that sacred, cruddy place…

Current Mood: ...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 111

As written by Blobby in Chapter 7: The Big Blue > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Middle of Night; Day 111
Weather: Typewriter clicking upward like reverse rain-drop-clacks.
Landscape: The paper, never stopping paper.


Suctiony Big Blue CreatureRoy: How’s it going, Blobert?

Blubba: It is not known ashore, but water is ACTUALLY VERY INTERESTING

Blobby: …mrgle…

Blubba: and I, of all creatures, would know

Roy: Well, I painted some things we passed while Blubba was Blabbering…  This Big Blue – it’s really beautiful from below deck – see?

Blubba: for the water has been possibly the greatest friend I have had

Blobby: Awww…

Blubba: you see that it is strong; it will and it does lead you, yet it yields under my fins when it is time for me to lead it

Roy: *yaawn* Okay, back to bed for me…

Blubba: for I am not so large when considering my liquid atmosphere.  I can be quite small, and the waves I make…
Big Blue Creatures!

Blubba: …imperceptible…

Roy: Good night, Blobby.  You’re doing a good job.

Current Mood: *sigh*
Discoveries Made: Worlds. Worlds are below and inside. I didn't know. I didn't know about all these worlds.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 110

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 7: The Big Blue > Vol. 1

Timestamp: ...; Day 110
Weather: ...
Landscape: ...


ZzzzzzzzzPF: *sssNNNNAARghhhhhh* huh? WHA-ba-dat? Whooba?  Uh. Oh.  I must have dozed off.  I see Blubba is still going strong.

Blubba: My father had nothing but contempt for my mother,

Moustachia: *yaa w W W w n* It’s been going fowevew…

Blubba: and rightly so; she, like all female creatures, was cursed with a stupidity of spirit so pervasive,

PF: Indeed, this is the fifth day in a row of continuous speaking in this animal’s life story and the thing has yet to be born.  Blobby, please do not stop taking dictation in case he reveals the location of our beloved Professor Island – drink your caffeinated beverages and please use your auxiliary Typomagrapher to simultaneously record what I say and what Sunburnt Blustery Blubba over here says.  Do you understand?

Blubba: were she also cursed with feet, she surely would have great difficulty in the tying of her own shoelaces,

Blobby: Mmmph-hmm…

Blubba: as all feminine creatures cursed with feet have an immense deficit in the shoe-tying department.

PF: What was that?

Blubba: And my father could tell that my mother would hardly even know what a shoe was,

Blobby: Mmph-myumph…

Blubba: let alone the proper method for its fastening to her hypothetical feet,


Blubba: which is why he did not permit her to watch him chew his dinners,

Blobby: Garggh!

Blubba: she would most certainly have a cranial failure

Roy: I don’t think he can type two conversations at once and talk to you too.

Blubba: if she had to witness such a complicated feat of motor skill coordination,

Blobby: Ba-hummmgh!

Blubba: that poor insufferable simple twit-mom.

PF: I see.  Well, surely if he COULD talk, he would not complain about this predicament for HE is the one who convinced me to tolerate this enormous arrogance mammal.

Blubba: But she is not to be blamed for the curse of her gender,

Blobby: Grrrrr…

Blubba: just as I am not to be blamed for all the curses that have befallen me by being her son,

PF: Keep up the good work, Blobby – we are all going below deck on the dirigible-boat to sleep.  Cheerio!

Blubba: but just to be clear what we are not to be blamed for, I would like to present to you the Forty-Five Blameless Curses of my Life…

Blobby: Blerg…

Blubba: Number One Blameless Curse: My father.  He was even dumber than my dumb mother.  Men, by and large, are the most completely and thoroughly idiotic turd-brains that ever were…

Current Mood: GOING to BED.
Discoveries Made: Blobby's Incredible Blobby Log Dual Typing SKILLZ.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤