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Blobby Log Owners Manual

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Blobby Log Day 137

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 9: Pantsylvania > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Cloudy-time; Day 137
Weather: See above.
Landscape: Rolling hills of cabbage farms and pant houses.

NOTES:

Vampire Pants: Here’s the door to the outside – be careful!  BLEH!

PF: I do not know why any mob would gather for you, Vampire Pants – you are so friendly!

Vampire Pants: Oh, you’ll see…  Good luck!

*C R E E E E E e e e e E E E E K!*

PF: You need to oil those ominous hinges…

Giant Mobs of Pants: There he is!  The Monster!  Get him!  Rarrr!

PF: Hmm…  What an angry collection of torch-wielding trousers…  Perhaps we should go back in… *SLAM!* …side.  Well.  Prepare to be torn apart, pals!

Blobby, Roy, & Moustachia: Yay.

Muffled Voice of the Vampire Pants: BLEH!

Angry Liederhosen: Rip the Monster’s seams!

Hysterical Kulats: No!  Don’t hurt him, or his perfect seams!

PF: Oh, please do not disturb my fleshy seams!

Angry Liederhosen: Hey, this ain’t the creature.

Hysterical Kulats: Yeah, you’re not our magical dreamboat.

PF: I have no idea to what either of you are referring, but I can safely say that you are correct – I am not the Vampire Pants…

Audibly-Disappointed Pants-Mobs: Awww…

Angry Liderhosen: Raspberries!

Hysterical Kulats: Okay, gang – let’s regroup and get back to making glittery poster board signs of adoration for the Vampire Pants.

PF: Wait – you LIKE the Vampire Pants?

Hysterical Kulats: Like?  We frickin’ totes all the way LOVE him!  Totes!

Hysterical Mob: Yay!

Angry Liederhosen: Not us!  We hate the creature and him stonewashed from the countryside!

Angry Mob: Grumble-grumble…

PF: Fascinating.

Angry Liederhosen: All right, all right everyone, false alarm.  Put the torches out.  Sharpen the seam-rippers so we’re ready for the REAL Vampire Pants!

PF: Roy, do you see among these two mobs of leggings any plaid professor pants like mine?

Roy: Negatory, chief.

PF: Well, we need to find some if we are going to find out how to get back to Professor Island in time to save it from Mr. Demon!

Blobby: Why do you keep reminding us that?  We know!

PF: YOU know, Blobby, but the future readers of your Blobby Log Blob-Log will need to be reminded from time to time.  This ridiculous story must be very hard to follow!

Moustachia: You said it, Mama.  So much exposition!

PF: Anyway, let us infiltrate these two mobs and find some professor pants.  This may take a while…

Current Mood: Fashionable.
Discoveries Made: Mobs of love and hate seem equally deadly.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 86

As written by Blobby in Chapter 5: Ninjatown > Vol. 1

Timestamp: ...; Day 86
Weather: Sunshine - I can see it!
Landscape: Trees rushing by.

NOTES:

Blobby: Go go go go go go go go GO GO GO GO GO!!!

Moustachia: We’w huwwying as fast as we can!

Blobby: Huwwy faster!  Those Flying Devils are gaining on us!

Roy: You could help, buddy.

Blobby: There’s no time to help, RUN!

Flying Devil: We’ll teach yous guys to steals our antidotes!

Blobby: Yikes.  So they found that out…

Flying Devil: Yous is lucky there’s so many trees in our ways, else we’ds be chewin’ yer faces alreadys!

Blobby: Chew your own face!

Roy: Blobert, don’t taunt the vicious flying demons!

Blobby: You’re not my dad!

Moustachia: Oh no, a cweawing!  We’w doomed!

Blobby: No where to hide!  Ruh-roh!

Flying Devil: Yeahs!  No wheres indeeds!

Blobby: Well all right.  Certain peril.  Okay.  Let’s do this…

?: What the heck is this?  Why are these uggos chasing this log?

Blobby: Whassat? Photopainting_86

Flying Devil: Oh cripe!  Ninjas, of the levitatin’ Pink variety!

Pink Ninja: That’s right!  And I don’t know what this scurrying piece of wood did to you, but I’m sure it’s harmless.

Flying Devil: Nuh-uhs – they stoles the Dark Syrup antidotes what we stoles rightfully from yous!

Pink Ninja: You stole antidote from us?  That’s it!  C’mon, girls, let’s pummel them into Devil-paste!

Flying Devil: Aw, nertz…

*SMASH – BOOM –CRASH – slapslapslap – FOOM – FACE BREAK – Ka-BLAMMY!*

(Blobby ed. Note – it is very difficult to typographically capture just how much Devil-butt these Pink Ninjas are kicking.)

*BLAMMO!*

Devils: Let’s gets outta here!  Yeah!  My face and body hurt!

Flying Devil: Yous cowards!  Gets back here!

Pink Ninja: All right – surround this lead Devil, Ladies!  We’re takin’ him into Ninja-custody!

Flying Devil: Super nertz!

Blobby: Oh thank you so much, Pink Ninjas!  We’re so lucky you Discovered us…  Oh hey – DISCOVERY!!!

Limited Edition Plush Discovery 5

Current Mood: Pink Saved!
Discoveries Made: Pink Ninja!!!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 84

As written by Blobby in Chapter 4: Dark Forest > Vol. 1

Timestamp: ...; Day 84
Weather: DARK!
Landscape: FOREST!

NOTES:

Blobby: Boy, they call this the Dark Forest for a reason, I can’t see a thing!

Roy: You’re… not… allowed… to complain.

Moustachia: My head huwts!

Blobby: Sorry, friends, but if I don’t sit atop the Log, steering and documenting our Adventure, then I will be in breach of my Stenographer Oath, future generations will be robbed of these historic moments, and I totally got a thing with my backbone…

Roy: You don’t have a backbone!

Blobby: Fair enough.  Let’s take a breather and get our bearings.  Roy, you can maybe even photopaint!

Roy: *grumble grumble*

Blobby: The volcano – Mount Feroshi was it? – is still a good distance away.  I don’t know how we’ll ever make it to this Ninjatown for help…

Flying Devil: Hey yous!  I thought I saw somethins ridiculous-like runnins out of the Darks Lair!

Blobby: Oh noes!

Flying Devil: I’m gonnas thump you goods I will!

Roy: Darn!  I knew I should have worn gloves to cover my inky trail!

Blobby: Roy, we’re done for!

Attack!Moustachia: Hey, wait a second!  I’w show you to be jewk-mouth!

Flying Devil: Whoa whoa!  Stays away from theres, ya cookie duster!

* S N A P ! *

Flying Devil: My wings!  You wreckeds ‘em!  You’ll pays for this in both literal and figurative fashions…

* C R A S H ! ! ! *

Blobby: Moustachia, what’d you do?

Moustachia: His wings wewen’t weawy weaw!  I chewed frew‘ the stwap and made him cwash!

Roy: Brilliant!

Blobby: That faker wasn’t even a real Flying Devil, he’s just got magic attachable wings!  Well, let’s hurry up and get out of here before he comes to – MUSH!

Roy: Ugh…

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: The Flying Devil is a LIAR!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 83

As written by Blobby in Chapter 4: Dark Forest > Vol. 1

Timestamp: ...; Day 83
Weather: ...
Landscape: ...

NOTES:

Quick!Blobby: Okay, we’ve rigged the Log to be transported if Moustachia flies it holding onto these reins and if Roy picks it up from behind and carries it.  I will steer and record from the top.

Moustachia: Hmm.  That doesn’t seem wight.

Roy: Yeah, that’s kind of a bum deal…

Blobby: Wait – shh!  There’s a commotion coming from the Torture Spa…

Mr. Demon: Whaa?  ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE IS A LIBRARY FULL OF THE SECRETS OF THE ORIGIN OF THE UNIVERSE?

PF: *Mmmph, yes, the Professor Professor Professor Island Library – it is named after our leader, the President of Professor Island University, Professor Professor, he is…*

Mr. Demon: Enough!  Wee Devils, we have to find this Professor Island!

Flying Devil: Whys boss?  Are wees gonna gets an Associate Degrees?

Mr. Demon: Maybe!  AND there is a secret power that all the creatures of this world are imbued with that is unknown.  These odd little researchers seem to have tapped into that power to hide their island from me and have documented this power in their library…

PF: *…and we have an entire organizational system of dot droplets that categorizes all the information for easy access, a decimal system made of dew and collected by librarian insects…*

Mr. Demon: BAH!  It will take some time, but we are going to force this little weirdo to tell us how to FIND PROFESSOR ISLAND!

Devils: Hee Hee!  Yeah!  I’m gonna major in accountin’!  Woo!

Blobby: Oh no!  If they find Professor Island, those poor old Professors will be defenseless against Mr. Demon and his hundreds of Devils!

Roy: Well let’s go get help!

Blobby: Yeah!  Towards that Volcano where there is apparently a Town of Ninjas!

Moustachia: We’w save you Mama!

PF: *…now let me tell you about all of the letters of the Professor Island Alphabet, in order from least to most delicious…*

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: Time Crisis!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤