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Blobby Epi-Log

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 12: Professor Island > Vol. 1

Timestamp: The end of the start.
Weather: Perfect?
Landscape: Familiar and new.


What a scrumptious nap!

Blobby: You were asleep for a week!

PF: Scrumptious!

Professor Professor: Yes, we did not want to disturb your well-deserved slumber, Professor Fliggins. However, now that you are up, we should like to speak with you…

Blobby, Roy, & Moustachia: OOoooOOOOooooohhhHH!

PF: Oh, grow up… What is it, Professor Professor?

Professor Professor: Please, step out of your house, into the open air…

PF: Oooookay..?

Every Kind Soul on Professor Island: Huzzah for Fliggins!

PF: Oh my!

Professor Professor: Fliggins, it is an honor to have you, finally, return to us, and even though you brought much destruction to us, you also have ushered in the most prolific era of Discovery this island has known since the Age of Original Discovery in the Ultra Ancient Times. It is with no jealousy or damaged pride that I turn over my title of Discoverist Champion to you, dear Fliggins. CONGRATULATIONS!

Professors: Huzzah! Triumph! Discovery!

PF: Thank you, Colleagues; thank you, new and old friends. You honor and honour me, to be sure.

Professor Professor: This hono(u)r is just the beginning, sir! It is my pleasure to noprofessorisland.comine-up of classes, panels, and lectures to lead, but we, the Professor Island High Council, are delighted to bestow upon you the titles of Full Professor, Provost of Adventure, Doctor of Discovery, Champion of Super Neatness!

PF: Goodness gracious me! Such esteem! And to think I was getting very poor grades before I dropped out and ran away! What a turn!

Professor Professor: Well, we do not have to focus on that for ever after now. You came back and it is clear that your work in the Field of Discovery has surpassed exemplary. It is like an ‘A’ plus a billion!

PF: I am not sure we should forget the blemish of my expatriation, I deserted this island, sir. I mean, this system, the one that you wish me to become an instrumental member of, I do not, clearly, belong to it.

Professor Professor: Nonsense! Professor Fliggins, we are offering you the cushiest tenured position possible, there are titles, dental benefits, you can have Stubbler’s old office! We have added heretofore unheard of cush to this job! Cush everlasting!

PF: I do not deny the greatness of your cush!However, why should I advise a system for which I did not have respect? Besides, I am in no way interested in holding sporadic office hours and writing unreadable books – I must travel!

Professor Professor: This is a shock, but understandable, for it is your Discovering ability in which we are in awe. You could possibly lead a Discovering expedition to the mainland every year, returning with all the Artifacts and Creatures the hull of a ship can hold!

Professors: Huzzah!

PF: Nozzah! Friends and Colleagues, I am going to say something to you that mayhaps blows your minds… Discovery… does not exist.

Professors: *grumble grumble harrumph and grumble*

Professor Professor: Perhaps you are in need of another week or two of slumber, sir.

PF: Why I have never felt more rested, sane, and lucid than as I do now. Do you not SEE WITH YOUR EYEGLOBES? We cannot go around the Universe, Discovering Things and taking them for study. This Universe is not OURS to Discover, it exists without us, and I dare say, it does not at all care for our systems and hierarchies. You cannot Discover something that already exists.

Professor Professor: It is like you are speaking space languages…

PF: I am different than you, sir. I, and my generation, have grown up always knowing only a Post-Discovery Age. We were born under the belief that the Known Universe was all there is. Unknown was impossible.

Professor Professor: But you have shown us a New Unknown! The expeditions of Discovery are already planned! We have begun building similar boats and Ginger Fizz Dirigibles as your own, we have picked out the right kind of Discovery pith helmets and puffy pants, and we are going to begin our cataloging with the Lands you have already traversed.

PF: And what would you do? Ransack and name all in the pursuit of fame, tenure, and power over lesser creatures and Professors? We have much to learn for being so wise, and it begins with the realization that one cannot Discover what already exists, where things outside our Academy already flourish, with their own, often ridiculous and beautiful, systems and hierarchies.

Professor Professor: For someone who does not want to teach, this monologue is feeling QUITE didactic…

PF: I would like to propose this, sirs and madams: External Discovery as we have known it is impossible. Internal Discovery is the REAL Unknown. As we traipse this Universe, we can only EXPLORE, can only Discover the new rooms and doorways and cheese cellars in our own Mindbrains. We are not Discoverists any longer. We are Explorerists. And the first thing any Explorerist must practice is the courtesy of asking permission, that every Creature, no matter how Different, is a colleague, just by practicing the passive Art of Existence. We Explore our Worlds, we Discover ourselves. Blobby, I hope you are getting all this.

Blobby: Yes, PF.

PF: Thank you, friend.

Blobby: Thank you. I’m, like, proud of you, man.

Roy: Yeah! You’re being very unjerky right now!

PF: Thanks. Thank you.

Moustachia: Weeoo!

Professor Professor: I am aghast and found dumb by these statements. My initial impulse is to banish you forever, but as Professor Island would not exist without you and your clear home-love… What should I do with you, Frederick?

PF: A suggestion? I would LIKE to open a Museum for those interested in this new Field of Explorerism. All items in my Museum will only be donated after a friendship is created with the donor. These objects will not be the primary focus of the Museum to be worshiped and dissected, they will be representative of real creatures in foreign lands who I feel comfortable calling Chum. A celebration of such things, you could say.

Mom: I would donate an item to your Museum, Fliggins. Foodlandia is honored to be your “Chum.”

PF: Aw, thanks, Mom.

Bingo Clem: Detached Isle too! A-course!

Three Bean Teens: Bean Village is in, yo!

Vampire Pants: Pantsylvania, for sure, now, bleh!

Whiskerton: Moustachio Territory’s got yer heinie, Fred Friend!

Kane: You can have my used Kicking Bags from the Kicky Village Kicking Gym…

Land Lump: You can have as many Lumps as you like, brother. We are just as much Item as we are Friend!

Pink Ninja: Ninjatown has some magic bubblegum to spare!

Flying Devil: Yeahs!You can haves my old wingses!

PF: AH! A Devil!

Flying Devil: Oh, it’s is cool. I go to schools heres nows.

Professor Starney: No, no. It is: “I go to school here now.”

Flying Devil: Sees! I can’ts helpz but learns!

Professor Professor: Sweet Cheeses! Your Museum is only conceptual and it already is more interesting than any of our millennia-old institutions!

PF: And if these were not friends, I would not have anything. I would not have anything at all.

Hilda: Are we late?

PF: Hilda! Is it a dreamtime mirage image?

Hilda: Looks like the Hot Dog Kingdom missed the epic battle…

Sausage Cadets: Aw, rats!

Hilda: But, we’ve been ordered to stay here, on a rotating guard duty, to help defend Professor Island from Mr. Demon and the forces of not-so-goodness. That was my idea…

Professor Professor: I am astounded by the power your friendships hold.

PF: Frankly, me too!

Professor Professor: I see… I have not another choice before me… I now declare the Professor Fliggins Museum of Foreign Lands and Friendship to be constructed immediately! Harvest the pillars at once!

PF: Oh I am amazed and honored and crying a little out of my aforementioned eyeglobes.

Professors: Huzzah!

Hilda: Your little monocle is getting all misted up, Fliggins. Here…

PF: Thank you… Oh the dams of my face waters are overwhelmed!

Hilda: You know, Fliggins, the Hot Dog King has approved my stay as ambassador to Professor Island to command our Sausage forces.

PF: *ulp* Is that so?

Hilda: ‘Tis.

PF: I see. I shall be retiring to my house for some time…

Hilda: Why is that?

PF: I must calm down.I am not built for this much unrestricted success.

Hilda: Of course. When you’re rested, I’ll want to meet with you about your future trips to the mainland. Besides your Explorations, we’ll need to stay on top of Mr. Demon’s movements. He’s crafty…

PF: Surely. Yes. Indeedy do.

Hilda: So… I shall see you soon…

PF: You will…

Hilda: Good.

PF: Good.



Hilda: .

PF: Hilda… Of all the things, I am the most happiest you are here…

Hilda: I won’t tell…

PF: Thank you.

Professor Professor: Let the Age of Explorerationism commence!

Professors: HUZZAH!

PF: Huzzah.

Current Mood: Gleeness!
Discoveries Made: Nothing, dear me. And thank all the goodness for that!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤