Blubba: …so when I say, “meeting you is like eating a delicious spaghetti sandwich” please understand, I have not ever eaten a delicious spaghetti sandwich, and I am unsure whether anyone has, basically, what I am saying is that meeting you can only be very specifically described as a foreign and, thus far, surprisingly enjoyable experience.  Like a ridiculous meal, like a spaghetti sandwich would be, I assume.  I have never eaten spaghetti, though in my comprehensive travels of this world I have met many creatures who have, most of them plumbers.  I have eaten plumbers.

Roy: Really!

Blubba: Of course not.  But do you see what I had done there?  I made you think that I had.  That is a hilarious joke.  Making that joke was like eating a delicious plumber sandwich.  Speaking of…

PF: STOP!  PLEASE.  Please.  Please stop.  This pleasant introduction has lasted twelve hours easily.  I could weep from the boredom of it all!

Blubba: My.  I was just being kind.  Perhaps you do not need my help after all.  Goodbye…

Blobby: Wait!  PF, apologize to him!  We’ll never find Professor Island alone…

Moustachia: Yeah, ya meany.

PF: But you… Very well.  Mr. Blubba!  Sir, please accept my sincerest apologies.  I have recently gotten over a bout of evil and perhaps am still working out those traumas on my friends and colleagues accidentally.

Blubba: Apology accepted.  So you would like to find your Professor Island?

PF: YES!  Goodness me, yes.  Have you seen it?

Blubba: If it exists, I have been there.

PF: Oh, delectable.  Let me describe it.  It is shaped like…

Blubba: No no.  You clearly do not know how my brain works.  I remember everything I see – EVERYTHING – but I need to tell my entire life story in order to get to the parts of interest to you.

PF: Pardon me?

Blubba: I have a Brobdingnagian brain in my equally ginormous noggin.  You have to understand that it takes a while for the synapses to fire from one side to the other.  Here is a question: if I were to shoot my mind lightning at full speed toward the horizon, would it wrap around the curvature of the planet or shoot endlessly straight into space?  Well my brain has a lot of space and is big enough to have its own curvature, so both are true, I suppose.  I answered my own question.  Let me ask another – topic, Sports and Leisure – who was the first Kicky to…

PF: EXCUSE… excuse me, sir.  Surely there is a better way to access the location of Professor Island than letting you tell your whole life story.

Roy: Yeah, like, how old are you?

Blubba: I am easily as old as everything if not older, but I suppose that isn’t so easy…

PF: !  Cannot you just let me TRY and describe the island?  It is really very simple…

Blubba: Well maybe you can just ask another sunburnt cetacean who remembers being everywhere?  Oh wait, you can’t – I’m the only one, good luck finding your home by yourself.  Toodle-loo…

PF: No!  Fine, we will do this your way.

Blubba: Oh magnificent.  You won’t be disappointed; it’s really a very gripping story.  Now one would think that I could start from the moment of my first conscious thought, but no story begins there.  Of course not – and certainly events shaped my life before that moment, all those years ago.  So you may think, then, that a good place to start would be at the moment of my birth, a great idea – my first undersea baby whale screams into the bubbled universe.  But surely even my life was impacted in the previous seven years my mother was pregnant with me.  And surer still, who I am is deeply impacted by the location I was born, the time in the history of things, the very characters of my mother and father, both unique in their own right.  Oh and how they met.  Not very romantic at first, but when viewed through the reflection of a funhouse mirror, or perhaps the ocean’s surface, I think you will agree that it is actually very sweet…

Blobby: Oh darn.

PF: This will be a while.

Roy: Maybe the sun burned his brain as well.

Blubba: …No, it is ludicrous to even presume that a story could ever start in its own beginning, so let us go back BEFORE the beginning of the beginning…

PF: Oh darn.  Indeed.  Oh darn, Blobby.

Current Mood: Leary.
Discoveries Made: The limits of my patience.

Hereinto referenced: Autobiography ¤ Big Blue ¤ Blubba ¤ Professor Island ¤ The Beginning of the Beginning