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Archive: Chapter 8: Kicky Village
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Blobby Log Day 115

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 115
Weather: UGH.
Landscape: No land in...


Blubba: …the snerls, with their hundreds of Kings, the sea-spiders knitting water garments from denser liquid-silk, the little baby scrumps riding along the current on their little toy hobby-sea-horses.  Yes.  That is all of them, all the creatures that inhabited the one hundred nautical miles in a sphere around my original home.  Now, at long last, a thorough description of my very birth…

B R R R R E E e e e E E R R C H H H G H H!!!

PF: What has happened?

Roy: We hit land!

Blubba: Oh dear – I’m beached!

PF: NO!  He was just about to start his life!

Blubba: And now I am about to start my death!  Beached!  Alas, I am beached!

PF: Um.  Well, so, surely, sir, SURELY we can help you eventually and in the interim, you can continue with your tale?

Blubba: Alas!  I cannot!  Beached!  Like my poor Uncle Toby!

PF: We shall hydrate you, you just need to get to the location of Professor Island!

Blubba: Beached!  Beached!

Blobby: That tears it!  I have been typing my little blobules like CRAZY for ten stupid days STRAIGHT, recording every inane part of your MEANINGLESS AND MEANDERING NONSENSE STORY, you you you CHUB BRAIN, you blabber honky, you terseless arrogant terrorist of brevity!  *huff huff fume huff*

Are you through?

Blobby: Yes.


Blobby: Gerp!

PF: Do not attempt to strangle this huge neckless beast with your tiny tired hands, Blobby.  He is not worth it.

Blubba: I must now begin my death monologue, painstakingly prepared over many decades for this very happenstance.  *AHEM*

Blobby: Gerp…

DISCOVERY!PF: Yes.  Let us away from Blubba, before Blobby explodes.  Come friends, we walk to find help.

?: Help.  Everyone needs help.

PF: YES.  Um, who are you?  Can you help?

?: I do not know.  Can I?

I do not know…  Can you?

?: Everyone needs help.

PF: Yes.  Yes you said that.  Who..?

Kane, the lone Stealth Kicky:
My name is Kane.  I am the lone Stealth Kicky.

PF: I keep Discovering the oddest fellows…  Well, MAY you PLEASE help us?


PF: Great.  DISCOVERY!!!


Current Mood: Unsurprised.
Discoveries Made: Stealth Kicky!!!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 116

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 116
Weather: Hmm... Smelly?
Landscape: Rocky. Good for cross-training.


Blubba: …now, Death Monologue Sub-Monologue Number Eighty-Two:  My medium-sized regrets.  Medium-sized regret number one: I never entered a pie-eating contest…

Blobby: grrr…

PF: So as you can see, Mr. Kane sir, this mouthy monstrosity has collided with your shore and needs to somehow be returned to the sea.

Kane: Why do you want to help it?

PF: Well… because creatures need assistance sometimes…

Roy: And he knows where Professor Island is!

PF: Yes.  He knows – somewhere in the libraries of his noodle – the location of our home…

Kane: I do not know…

PF: You do not know HOW to help, or if you WANT to help?

Kane: Either.  Both.  I do not know.

PF: Remarkable.  Well perhaps you could – HEY, where did he go?

?: What’s that smell?

PF: Oh, hello.  I promise that I did not deal that smell…  Nor am I accusing you, gaggle of armless chaps, that YOU have dealt that smell!  How illogical is it that one who smelts shall also be the one who dealts.  Deals.  Um.  Hello.

?: Hey.  Seriously, what’s that smell?

PF: Well, I do believe it is the giant orating beached whale that is currently baking in the sun behind me.

Blubba: …of course I regret all that garlic I ate last night…

?: Good gracious!  A beached whale!

PF: Yes, that.  That is whom dealt it.

Kicky: C’mon, Kickies, let’s start dousing this thing with water so it doesn’t dehydrate.

PF: So the denizens here are called Kickies.  Note that, Blobby.

Big Kicky: How are we gonna get this thing back in the ocean?  He’s gigantic!

Blubba: …I regret not working off all the decades of holiday pounds…

Big Kicky: Ungh… He won’t budge!

Original Kicky: Well start getting the buckets, maybe it’ll help take the edge off this stink…

Kickies: Yeah!

PF: Well THESE red Kickies are helpful.  I wonder what was the deal with that hooded gray Kicky…

Current Mood: Confuzzled.
Discoveries Made: "Kickies" is the plural of "Kicky." I have Discovered plural Kicky.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 117

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 117
Weather: Several different kinds of pollution.
Landscape: The Kicky Beach.


Big Kicky: Okay, gang – the big whale is moister, let’s try and kick him out to sea.

Kickies: Aye-aye!

…and it was then that…  wait, did you say “kick?”

Big Kicky: 1…  2… 3… KICK!


Blubba: Ow ow ow ow ow OW OW ow ow OW ow!

PF: He is not moving…

Big Kicky: Kick harder, Kickies!  Kick for your ancestors!

Blubba: I am being tenderized!

Blobby: Even though they’re not kicking him into the ocean, this is still pretty gratifying for me.  Kick ‘em good!

Big Kicky: *HUFF* Okay, stop stop…  *huff huff* this guy weighs a TON!Photopainting 117

Blubba: Seventeen tons, to be exact about it…

Kickies: Boo!

PF: I think the extra pummeling you gave him released even more odour.

Kickies: Aw!  *gag-cough* No he didn’t!

Blubba: Do not blame me for your activating of my stink glands.

Big Kicky: Okay, let’s get back to dousing this monster in water.  You, monocle boy.

PF: I am a man…

Big Kicky: While we try and take care of this reeking Blubba thing, please take this note twelve miles East to Kicky Village – we need reinforcements!

Big Kicky: You must hurry like you are made of legs, sir – the sooner more Kickies come, the faster we can build a more suitable Hydration Station!

PF: Yes, I can handle this task.  For the sooner we get Blubba back to normal, the faster I can Discover the secret location of my home.  Everyone shall win!

Blubba: Anyway, back to my death monologue…  Underhanded apology number seventy-nine: I am sorry to all the buffet owners whose generous “all you can eat” dinners I have abused and which led to their inevitable bankruptcy…

Current Mood: Excited to be moving away from Blubba!
Discoveries Made: I have a task! Helpful Fliggins is me!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 118 (part one)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Noon; Day 118
Weather: Still rank.
Landscape: Athletic!


Ah, this village full of soccer fields and racetracks must be Kicky Village.  How odd that these peoples are defined by one very specific action…  I suppose not much surprises me anymore – I am numb to ridiculous new civilizations it seems.

Scenic yet stinkyDistressed Kicky: Criminey!  Who are you and why did you bring this horrible fish stench with you?


Distressed Kicky: What?

Whales are mammals, you should ask us “why did you bring this horrible mammal stench with you?”

Distressed Kicky:
Nevermind the taxonomic distinction of it, are you the reason for this stink?

Sort of!

Here is the note one of your kicking compatriots told me to deliver to you.  It is our only task.

Distressed Kicky:
(reading) “Cannot Kick this unbearable stink mound to sea – please bring the equipment for a whale-sized Hydration Station.  The monocle man can show you the way, but you can probably just follow the smell.”  Well, you hear that Kickies?  Whale-sized Hydration Station – GO!

Goodness! So much immediate Kicky bustle!  These characters are organized to the maximum!

Distressed Kicky:
This’ll take a little time to coordinate – why don’t you wait the night at one of our famous Bed and Breakfasts till we need you.

Are you sure we cannot help?  We have hands!

Roy: I got seven of ‘em!

Distressed Kicky: Go wait at the Bed and Breakfast

Current Mood: I have never kicked a breakfast out of bed!
Discoveries Made: Kicky Village!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 118 (part two)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village

Timestamp: Evening; Day 118
Weather: What is the opposite of delicious?
Landscape: Bed and Breakfast!



I wonder how long I am supposed to stay at this Bed and Breakfast before the Kickies will need me to show them the way back to stinky Blubba…

Bed and Breakfast Kicky: Well hopefully you’ll stay long enough for Breakfast!

Blobby: I dunno…  This smell from Blubba’s sweaty beached body is getting pretty unappetizing.

Moustachia: Yeah, bweakfast seems impossibew.

B and B Kicky: Oh please don’t say that!  Kickies losing their appetites will put me outta business!

Roy: Yeah, and no hands means they can’t even plug their noses.

B and B Kicky: I’ll be ruined!

PF: Yes.  Let us get some rest and maybe by tomorrow we shall all like the flavor of rotting flesh in our omelets…

B and B Kicky: Here’s hopin’!

Current Mood: Exhaustimatated.
Discoveries Made: Bed, then, presumably, Breakfast.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 119 (part one)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 119
Weather: Pungent.
Landscape: There is a sign above the bed that reads, "Pardon me, but I Kick in my sleep!"


*yawn* Did everybody sleep well?

Moustachia: Uh-huh.

Roy: Yeah.  But I had awful smelling dreams…

PF: Good gracious!  You can see the smell!  How will the Kickies be able to disperse this bilious green cloud?

Kane, the lone Stealth Kicky: They cannot.

Everyone: Ahhhhh!

PF: Oh.  It is you, Kane.  I see we have jumped ahead to the sneaking-into-your-bed-and-breakfast-room stage of this friendship.

Kane: Yes.

PF: You scared the heck out of us.

Kane: Yes.

PF: We are without heck now…  From the fear…

Kane: Yes…



PF: Well, why are you here?

Kane: The other Kickies, they cannot get rid of the bloated one.  They can only shower it, keeping its stink alive.

PF: How do you know they cannot get rid of Blubba?

For I am the only Kicky strong enough to do it.


Bed and Breakfast Kicky: Breakfast is served!


B and B Kicky: Sorry it isn’t pretty-lookin’ – *cough* – I couldn’t cook too well through the noxious fumes and my own stink-induced tears.

PF: That is okay, although I hope you brought extra for my new mysterious friend here…

B and B Kicky: What friend?  You gone loony?

PF: Why, he is gone!  What a mysterio!

Messenger Kicky: Monocled one, the Kicky Water Dispersal Committee is ready for you now.

Splendid.  I do not have an appetite for this breakfast anyhow.

B and B Kicky: No appetites!  I’ll be ruined!

Current Mood: Queasy!
Discoveries Made: These Kickies are so organized!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 119 (part two)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Noon; Day 119
Weather: P.U.
Landscape: Quaint Li'l Kicky Village.


Head Kicky: The Hydration Station is assembled and, at your lead, ready to be taken to the mouth of this river of odors.

Roy: Hey, it’s a big fancy shower!

Head Kicky: Whale-sized.

Blobby: So you’re just gonna clean him?

Head Kicky: Yes.  Hopefully that will diminish the bite of his body flavors.

PF: But that will not fix the issue of an enormous orating cetacean atrophying on your shores.

Head Kicky: Well, we must stop the bleeding of this stinky wound – it’ll ruin our whole Kick-economy!

Blobby: Why?

Head Kicky: No one will want to buy lunch if everyone’s losing yesterday’s… lunch…

Allllll right.  Let us go band-aid up this axe-wound.  Follow me!

Head Kicky:
Kickies – TO THE BEACH!

Current Mood: In charge! I guess!
Discoveries Made: A new-found ability to go with the flowing!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 120

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 120
Weather: You can cut the stench with elementary school scissors!
Landscape: Once again, the Kicky Beach.


*Hargh* Here it is.  Here he is.

Blubba: …and then once, in the fourth grade, I ate all the paste… OF A THOUSAND PASTE TANKERS…

Roy: Now that’s what I call a sticky situ…

Big Kicky: Thank the almighty Soccer Gods you’re here!  Have you got the Hydration Station?

Head Kicky: Yes.  But we had no idea…

Blobby: You can’t clean the stink of his words out of the air.

Head Kicky: Well – start showering the beast!

Kickies: Aye-aye!

PF: You know, gents, I think we should just ask Kane, the lone Stealth Kicky for help…


*record screeching to a stop*

PF: I did not realize a record was even playing…

Big Kicky: You’ve talked to Kane!

Yes, indeed.  He has a minor breaking and entering problem, but once the proper friendship boundaries are established, I believe he shall make a good friend.  Odd, but good!

Head Kicky: Charlie, you set up a base camp with team Cranapple – Gorgex, you assemble the Hydration Station with team Snickerdoodle – you, monocle boy, come with me!

So assertive!

Blubba: …Oh you think I couldn’t fit that much rotting compost inside me, but I got enough in there for years of gardening!  Years!  YEARS!!!

Fig 10 Whale Hydration Station

Current Mood: The Kickies kick okay, but Blubba has been kicking the peaches out of my olfactory senses.
Discoveries Made: And they are simultaneously organized and adorable! I want to hug them whenever they say assertive things! So cuddly!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 121

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 8: Kicky Village > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Morning; Day 121
Weather: Green.
Landscape: The rocky shores of hopeless odor.


…so  you mean to say that this Kane fellow is completely anti-social and he will not even attend Kicky Village birthday picnics?  This seems highly peculiar.

Head Kicky: Indeed.  That’s why it just doesn’t seem possible that he would open up to you like you say.  He is a very strong Kicker, but has turned his back on Kicky society.

PF: Perhaps…  You know, that extensive expositional backstory for Kane, the lone stealth Kicky, has taken all night, and yet the Hydration Station still has not abated the horrific whale stink that capitalizes the atmosphere.

Head Kicky: No.  I fear his body fumes may defeat us.

Big Kicky: Sir, I think Blubba’s poisonous secretions have run-off into the sea, putrefying that as well.  And since the ocean is our source for the Hydration Station, we’re basically pumping him with an endless toxic marinade.

PF: Terrifyingly vivid!


Head Kicky: What’s going on?

Kickies: It’s Kane!

Kane: Kicky Siblings!  I have overheard recently that you feel I have abandoned you!

PF: How did he hear that?

Kane: I was disguised!

PF: I told you that rock was breathing and listening!

Kane: I wish to prove to you that I am not a deserter!  O great stink machine – prepare yourself!

Blubba: Is he talking to m-OOOOOF!!!

Kickies: Ooooooooooh.

Roy: Holy smoke!

Blobby: Look at ‘im fly!

Blubba: How unceremonious!

*S P L O O O O O S H!*
Kickies: Hooray!

PF: Kane, you saved the day!  You Kicked that stench mound clear out to sea!

Kane: Yes.

Head Kicky: Why, you are the Kickiest Kicky who ever Kicked!

Kane: Yes.

Head Kicky: What took you so long?

Kane: I thought that everyone hated me because I looked different and like to stalk the shadows, as my Ninja upbringing has me wont to do.

Head Kicky: No no, we just thought you were a little different.

Big Kicky:
I want him for striker on my soccer team!

Kickies: No, me!  Me!  I want to be his best friend!

PF: Well well, looks like another story resolved thanks to the quick thinking of Professor Frederick Fliggins.

Moustachia: Mama, you didn’t do anything…

PF: Horsepucky!  I did so!

Blobby: Not really.  You just kinda walked around while stuff happened around you.

PF: WHATEVER.  Let us just hurry up and get the location of Professor Island finally.  Mr. Blubba!  Sir!  Over here!

Blubba: My bottom – it is made of bruise!

PF: Yes, naturally.  Anyway, are you prepared to get on with the story of you life you started nearly a month ago and tell us the location of Professor Island?

Blubba: I’d be happy to, but I’ve lost my place.  I shall start at the beginning!

Blobby: Nooooo!

Blubba: Oooof!

*S P L O O O O O S H!*

PF: Thank you, Kane.

Kane: He shall not pollute our shores again until he swims off that smell.

PF: Now we are stuck.  Where is my home!

Kane: Perhaps the Pants peoples of Pantsylvania know.

PF: Escuse me.

Kane: Kickies obviously cannot wear pants for we are mostly legs and would not only suffocate, but also lost critical knee flexibility – HOWEVER in my many quests about this vast continent, the only place I encountered creatures who look anything like you are the Pants, particularly the plaid ones, in Pantsylvania.

PF: Zounds!  That could be a lead!  Where is this place?

Kane: Due west – clear across the entire world!

PF: Right.  Well, gang, you ready?  Let us be off!

Blobby: If we must.

Kane: Farewell, friend.  May the winds carry you favorably to the zippered ones.

PF: Thank you, friend.  Congratulations on your reintroduction to society.  Into the dirigible, little ones!

Kickies: Goodbye, Fliggins!

PF: Toodle-loo, Kickity Kickers!  Bye bye, chatty smelly Blubba!  See you later, this hemisphere of the world!  I hope that I have left you better than when I entered you!

Blobby: Probably not.

Yes.  Bye!

The Western Hemisphere of Shawnimaland:
Goodbye, Professor Fliggins!

Current Mood: To Pants! To Pants!
Discoveries Made: The incredible Kicking power of Kane!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤