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Blobby Log Day 162

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 12: Professor Island > Vol. 1

Timestamp: High Noon; Day 162
Weather: Climactic.
Landscape: The opposite of pretty.


Mr. Demon: Come back! Don’t let an impressive amount of body parts discourage you. Well… Okay, sure you’ve defeated my army of zombie food products, but I still have my Flying Devils, and I’ve put earmuffs on them so they can’t be confused by any of your rhetorical trickery any longer. Flying Devils – ATTACK!

Flying Devils: Whats was that? A snack?

Mr. Demon: (flailing and complicated signals, generally conveying the message that the Devils should once again attack Professor Island.)

Flying Devils: Ohhhhhh! Let’s gets ‘em, boys! Maybe ifs we disposes of thems properly, we’lls get that snack the boss was yellin’s about!

Mr. Demon: BWA-HA-HA!

PF: It seems that we are in need of another nick of time miracle. The Professors are nearly powerless to deaf Devils.

Mr. Demon: I am full of disproportionate confidence!

?: Lump, lump, lump, lump, lump…

PF: Hmm…

?: Lump, lump, lump…

Flying Devils: Raarrrrrr!

?: Lump, lump, lump. We’re here!

PF: Oh, hello Land Lump. Um, you got my letter?

Land Lump: Yes, brother Fliggins. The Lumps moved as fast as we could as soon as it arrived. Also, we met a butterfly that was pretty, so we got a little distracted. But we are here to Lump you to victory!

PF: Well… That is… What is your strategy, Land Lump?

Land Lump: Oh. Well. Give me a second… Hummmmm.

Flying Devils: RARRRRR!

Land Lump: Let me see… Do you think we could take a nap first?


Mom: The Devils are almost here!

Land Lump: Oh! Oh no, they probably don’t need any pamphlets. Hmmm… This is a lot of pressure!

Kickies: We know what to do!

Roy: Hey! Look at the Kickies running on top of the water like that!

Mr. Demon: Whoa, cool! I mean… DARNIT!

Kane: Greetings! We received your missive, Fliggins. The Kickies would like to figuratively and literally kick butt for justice!

PF: Well, the Devils are too high to be kicked. Oh, duh and doi! Start kicking the Lumps at them!

Lumps: Lump?

Kickies: Yeah!

*Bup bup bup bip punt but bup*

Lumps: Lump, lump, ow, lump…

Flying Devils: Hey! Ow! Ouches! Lumped by Lumps! Ow!

Mr. Demon: Charge! Charge!

PF: Oh the Lumps are slowing them down, but not enough!

Sid: Hey, P. Flig, WHAT UP, SON!

PF: The Three Bean Teens, my Dogs and Cats!

Bonzo: We hitched a ride here with the Royal Moustachio Air Force and the Royal Barbers. Came up with a pretty sweet plan.

Sid: Joe, this thing is about to be on and popping!

PF: Oh, excellent, Gee! You are most certainly my brothers from other, very nice mothers. Where are the Moustachios and Beards?

Bonzo: They’re settin’ up their part of the plan. First, we gotta shoot this BEAN JUICE HOSE at the Devils! Let ‘er rip, Gree!

Gree: Wickey-wickey!


Flying Devils: Sicks! Beans juice! Sticky beans juice!

Bonzo: Okay, RMAF! NOW!


RMAF: Hello, old bean, so to speak – hope you don’t mind being covered in our MOUSTACHE CLIPPINGS!

PF: Pa-tooey! Hair blizzard!

Flying Devils: We’s tarred and featherds!

PF: More like “beaned and haired.”

Tarvis Whiskerton: Howdy, Fred!

PF: Oh! Tarvis! You have come to help too!

Professor Professor: Goodness, you never had this many friends before!

PF: I know!

Whiskerton: Yep! The Royal Barbers and me are gonna put the final touches on these here Devils. While they’re dazed, we’re gonna summon the powers from our Great Barberian Ancestors and doom these cretins to the worst possible fate known to all of Shawnimaland – BAD HAIRCUTS.

PF: You fiendish beard, you!

Whiskerton: Stand back, Fred! Barbers! Commence shearing!

Royal Barbers: Yeee-haw!

PF: This is simply remarkable.

Roy: Hey, here come the Pink Ninjas, floating on their bubble gum balloons like the best dream come to reality!

Pink Ninja: Hey, Professor Fliggins! We’re here to do what we do every month, stomp some evil!

PF: Well, thank you so much, this attack is all but thwarted.

Whiskerton: Voila! Now thems some UGLY HAIRCUTS.

Flying Devils: Nos! I gots likes three mullets and a hightops fade! I’s gots an amish beard ands the words “Rufus Rocks!” shaved on my scalps! Who’s Rufus?!

Pink Ninja: Girls, look! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pink Ninjas: Hoohoo! Hahahaha! HA!

Flying Devils: My deepest fears – BEIN’ LAUGHED AT BY LADIES! Embarrassments! Ah! Guh! Arg!

Pink Ninja: Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ho ha. Man. Man. Ha ha ha… SIGH. Oh, it feels good to laugh like that. PHEW.

Flying Devils: Oh goods, we laugheds ‘em tired!

Pink Ninjas: Not quite!

(Sounds of the Pink Ninjas beating every ounce of snot out of the discombobulated and ridiculous-looking Devils. How lovely.)

Hooray!Mr. Demon: Aw, geez!


PF: Wow – everyone is coming. It took me a year to find Professor Island, and now so many creatures are here… Hey-lo! Vampire Pants!

Vampire Pants: Bleh! Halp me!

PF: That is a fine boat you have there, sir! I see you got my letter of plea to help me too! Marvelous!

Vampire Pants: Letter? What letter? I’m running for my life from these two mobs you let into my house! I wouldn’t help you!

PF: Oh.

Angry Pants Mob: Get him! Get the evil Vampire!

Vampire Pants: I’m not a Vampire! Bleh! I’m just the PANTS of a Vampire!

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt the beautiful Vampire Pants! We love him! Vampires are SO COOL! SWOOOON!!!

PF: Goodness, we did kind of leave you hanging… I have an idea! *ahem* BOY, I SAY, VAMPIRES ARE SO LAME AND STUFF!

Pants Mobs: What did he say?


Hysterical Pants Mob: Liar!


Angry Pants Mob: What’s he saying?




Flying Devils: Huh?

Hysterical Pants Mob: Yeah. Vampires are so played. I heard Vampires can’t even use a mirror – GRODY! Devils are pretty hawt tho. Totesally hawt! YEAH! DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS!

PF: Hey, look over there! SO MANY DREAMBOATY DEVILS!

Angry Pants Mob: Devils! Why they’re even more amoral than Vampires! Get the Devils! Burn the Devils!

Flying Devils: Uh-oh…

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt our precious Devils! WE LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE!

PF: That should take care of that.

Flying Devils: Ah! Ah! Gets ‘em off me! Theys burning and hugging! Ow OH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

PF: See you later, evil!

The Forces of Good: HOORAY!

Mr. Demon: Crud. It doesn’t matter! I will take you all on myself! I’m quite the scrapper, and my anonymous friend here with the comb-over will lead me right to all your secrets! Professor Island IS MINE!

Moustachia: Gimme that costume, mistew!

?: Stay away from me, little flying Moustache!

Professors: GASP!

PF: Why, Mr. Demon’s accomplice… it is… PROFESSOR STUBBLER!

Professor Stubbler: Oh are you that surprised?

Professor Professor: Oh, Stubbler, how could you? We had some doubts about your last few books about the study of Dark Syrup ingestion, but we never thought you would turn EVIL. This will have to go up for review with the Council of Provosts…

Professor Stubbler: Your Council of Provosts can CRAM IT!

Professors: DOUBLE GASP!

PF: If you keep shocking the Professors, Stubbler, you are going to make them hyperventilate!

Professor Stubbler: I do not get any respect around here! I am too BRILLIANT for Professor Island! Mr. Demon respects my brain!

Mr. Demon: Sure!

Professor Stubbler: A brain so large it scared away most of the hair from my head! Stupid hair! It did not respect me!

PF: Stubbler, you sold out your home.

Professor Stubbler: How does that make me any different from you, Fliggins? You ran away from this place. You could not succeed in our circuitous academic system, so instead of accepting your failure and facing it, you retreated. In fact, if you did not leave, Mr. Demon would have never even come here. We are the same!

Professors: TRIPLE GASP!

Professor Weezygrist: Huff Huff. I need an inhaler… Too many… surprises…

Professor Professor: Is this true, Fliggins? Did you lead Mr. Demon here?

PF: Yes…

Professors: QUADRUPLE…

PF: BUT! But, I was put in a trance by Dark Syrup AND he spied on me. I have spent the year taking in LIFE. Looking at it from every imaginable angle! If you just stay at home, friends, you will not know how to properly value it. You will fall into a daze. You will live your life unconsciously, not knowing about all the wonders that await you elsewhere! It is in the Elsewhere that I found the real meaning of Home.

Professor Stubbler: Poppycock and applesauce!

PF: Stubbler, you foolish turdmouth! Do you not see? We are NOT the same. I have been forced out of my comfort zone and given the gift of JUDGMENT! I do not LET things happen to me – I judge them and can now decide if they are good or evil or delicious or made of facial hair or are a whale…

Blubba: Someone beckon me?

PF: Blubba!

Blubba: I got your letter, and finally put the pieces together about where I was born. THESE ARE MY BIRTH WATERS!

PF: I see.

Blubba: I am so grateful, I would help you out of any thicket!

Mr. Demon: OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED. All right, freakshows, I don’t care about what you’ve Discovered… prepare to be conquered!

Blubba: You, Kane, the Stealth Kicky!

Kane: Yes, my dear smelly abomination?

Blubba: Do us the honor of Kicking me in the rumpside one more time…

PF: Huh?

Kane: Ha ha. Yes, Blubba, sir. Yes indeed.


ULP!Blubba: Thank you, Frederick Fliggins! I will always be grateful to you!

Mr. Demon & Professor Stubbler: What the..?

Blubba: *ULP!*


The Forces of Good: Hooray!

Blobby: Blubba just swallowed Mr. Demon and Stubbler. He’s not so bad after all!

Blubba: Thank you, Professor Fliggins! I will now swim these rapscallions to the adjacent corner of the planet! Fair thee well!

PF: Thank you, Blubba! You are a wonderful monster!

Blubba: You too, my friend! You too!

Mom: Fliggins you did it! Let’s celebrate!

PF: Yes. Celebration. Right. Perhaps we could first take a ZZZZZZZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzz…

Mom: Yes. Of course.

Professors: ZZZZZZZZ zzzzzz snore-hiccup zzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzzzz…

Current Mood: zzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz...
Discoveries Made: zzzz - snuh - uh - zzzZZZzzz-lala-lovezzz... love...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 101 (part two)

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 6: Isle of Detached Shawnimals > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 101
Weather: Everything here is alive.
Landscape: Everything here is moving with an unsettling love.


Blobby: So what’s the plan?

We just gotta get Mama to sit stiw.  Weave the west to me!

Okay, there he is, talking to the High Chancellor…

You know, Professor Four-Mouth, I once defeated Mr. Demon all by myself, using my brains and muscles in tandem.

(Applause and cheers from Detached hangers-on.)

High Chancellor Mouth #2:
Oooh, very impressive.  We should yet another celebratory feast in your honor.

High Chancellor Mouth #3:
Yes, please.

He’s lying!  He didn’t defeat no Mr. Demon!

Oh marvelous! I belong somewhere for the first time in my life!

Gimme that Ninja Staw Cookie, Bwobby!


And did you know that I have been solely responsible for meticulously documenting my adventures without the help of anyone?

(Cheers and applause.)

Mama!  Take this!  He-YAH!


YOW!  You just threw a Ninja Star Cookie at my knee!  Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow…

It’s fow youw own good, Mama.

High Chancellor Mouths 1-4:
What is the meaning of this attack?  This is a peaceful Isle!  Detached brethren – GET THEM!


Oh, man – the walls are coming down!

At us!

High Chancellor Mouths 1-4:
You will pay for attacking our distinguished, already abused guest!

HALT!  Do not harm these violent little friends!


High Chancellor, Sirs and Madames, I have been…  asleep.

(Undetached gasps.)

PF: Please let us go to the freckle beach peaceful – we must leave immediately!

All Voices:
As you wish.

Current Mood: Awake!
Discoveries Made: So many oopsies.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 101 (part one)

As written by Blobby in Chapter 6: Isle of Detached Shawnimals > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 101
Weather: Sweaty!
Landscape: Ever-changing!


Crowny?!Blobby: Slow down, Crowny!  We just want to talk!

Uh-uh!  I’m not gonna go back there, man!  I ain’t sitting on that crazy Hot Dog King’s head anymore!  Never again!

Blobby: STOP!  Why is he running?

Roy: I mean, you’d run too if you thought someone was gonna make you sit on PF’s head for the rest of your life.

Blobby: Good point.  Wait…  why are we even chasing him?

Crowny: I don’t even know where Professor Island is!

Blobby, Roy, & Moustachia:
That’s why!

Get him!

I don’t… OW!

He tripped!

Put the log on his chest!


Where’s Professor Island?

I don’t know, man!

Tawk, dawnit!

* b l o o s h ! *

Aw, what the heck – you just shot ink in my mouth!

Roy: There’s more where that came from!

I don’t know where…

Hit him with some orange, Roy!

* b l o o s h ! *

This is disgusting!

Talk, darn you!

*bloosh! blersh! b l A R R R S H ! *

Crowny: Okay, okay…. Please stop, I don’t even know where that ink is coming from.

My body’s ink bladders.


Blobby: Where’s Professor Island?  Why does PF think he’s there now?  How come this place really creeps us out?

Slow down, man.  Okay.  I think your guy is under a couple spells here.  You see, this place, the Isle of Detached Shawnimals, is VERY accepting, and if you’ve spent your whole existence being ostracized or abused, like me, then it can be magically addicting to have so much unconditional support all of a sudden.  That, and I think he’s probably got some Dark Syrup in him.

Yeah, how can you tell?

His eyes, man.  They’re like crazy-fied.

How do we cure him of these spells?  He already had cookie-based meditation therapy with some Ninjas.

I dunno.  When people are half-awake sometimes and not seeing the world for what it is, you just have to shake ‘em.  Shake ‘em good!


Well, okay then, where’s Professor Island?

Seriously, man, I don’t know.

Then why’d you even bring it up when we were chasing you?

I thought you were gonna take me back to the Hot Dog Kingdom if I didn’t tell you where Professor Island is.  And also, I really don’t know.

Darnit.  We’ll never beat Mr. Demon there…

BUT – you should sail into the Big Blue Sea and talk to Blubba – he’s the one who took me to this Isle, and he’s been everywhere that the Sea touches.  Probably Professor Island too.

Blobby: So now we need a boat.  Lame.  We’re twelve kinds of hosed.

Moustachia: Wait!  Do we stiw have any Ninja Staw Cookies?

Roy: I think so.

Blobby: Well…  One, I think.  I ate the rest.  They’re mindblowingly delicious.

Moustachia: That’s aw we need!  C’mon!

Blobby: Um.  Okay!  See you later, Crowny!

Roy: Sorry I excreted violently at you.

Crowny: It’s cool.  I’ve had the sweaty head of the Hot Dog King on my underside for for decades!  That was nothing.

Roy: Touché.

Moustachia: Ew… C’mon!

Current Mood: ...
Discoveries Made: ...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 97

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 6: Isle of Detached Shawnimals > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 97
Weather: Accepting!
Landscape: Familiarish!


Bingo Clem: …basically, the Isle of Detached Shawnimals is just that – a place where the detached can convene.  We welcome all those misfits who no longer fit in.  I’ve noticed you all staring at my head.

PF, Blobby, Roy, & Moustachia: NO!

PF: It is impolite to stare – no matter how freaky one’s head growths appear to be!

Bingo Clem: It’s okay!  Everything about this place and everything about me is detached and happier to be here reformed!  For instance, this black nub jutting out of my forehead – this used to be the arm of a Ninja who worked way too hard, constantly running data analyses and focus groups, his little arm got so tired of busy consultant work that it decided to pop off and run away here – or so I’ve been told.  Sometimes, the detached decide to become fully aware and alive – like my claw body.  Other times, the detached pieces just like to come here and live a relaxing and worry-free life.  That’s what the lizard tail and this Ninja nub have done and I think I look quite fetching as a result!

Roy: Sure you are!

Blobby: This is pretty interesting, Mr. Clem.  But, what do you mean when you say “everything” here is detached?

Bingo Clem: Well, for instance, this shack is made from the bark of Dark Forest trees that came here to no longer be evil – we get all of our wood this way.  And you’re familiar with Freckle Beach and Face-water River – the sand of Freckle Beach is actually the freckles of hundreds of creatures from around the world, the Face-water River are tears and spit, both frequently unappreciated, discarded parts of heads.  We put so much shame in freckles and tears, we hide them under make-ups and in hankies.  Here they don’t have to be ashamed for merely existing.  Here they are welcome and free.  This place, you’ll soon see, is an oasis of unique and delightfully peculiar beauty.

Blobby: Crazy.  Really, this is fascinating and all, but why are you keeping us here and telling us this?

Bingo Clem: It’s my job to welcome all the newly arrived immigrants of disillusionment!  You detached fellows no longer need to feel alone again!

PF: What a homecoming!  I DID feel so alone back on the old Professor Island!  This new Professor Island of the Detached should be a wonderful place to retire FOREVER!

Blobby: PF, stop, you’re confusing everyone.  This isn’t Professor Island.

PF: Rutabagas!

Blobby: Ugh.  Mr. Clem, our comrade here isn’t well, he’s recently been under the spell of Dark Syrup so he thinks he’s home…

PF: I am home!

Bingo Clem:
I think he may be home too, tiny friendship.  Our borders only open up for the detached.  Even though Mr. Fliggins is a little dazed, he seems to be a misfit, just like us, and I believe you all will fit in nicely here… for the rest of time!

Moustachia: Wuh-woh.

Roy: But we’re all pretty whole, except for flying ‘stachia over here…

Bingo Clem: Perhaps you think that you’re whole, but there’s a piece of all of your soul-parts that’s detached from something.  Perhaps you’re detached from your old home, perhaps you’re detached from your old self and mistakes.  Perhaps you belong here now.  AND THUS CONCLUDES ISLE ORIENTATION.  Let us proceed to happiness eternal!  Come with me.

PF: Smashing!

Roy: Wait!

Blobby: Guys, if we don’t snap PF out of it, we’ll never get back to Professor Island to save it from Mr. Demon!

Current Mood: Heroic.
Discoveries Made: The beginning of everlasting peace.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 96

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 6: Isle of Detached Shawnimals > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Mid-Afternoon; Day 96.
Weather: Delightfully sunny!
Landscape: Sandy, if not freckly.


Bingo Clem: Detached Island protocol is such that you all have to stay here in the halfway house until you’ve been properly oriented to our customs.

Blobby: Why is this called the Halfway House?

Bingo Clem:
Because it’s halfway between the beach and the village!

Roy: That makes TOO much sense.

Bingo Clem:
We can’t help but make sense here on the Isle of Detached Shawnimals.

Blobby: What exactly is this place?

PF: It is Professor Island, you nit-filled-wit!

Blobby: No, he just said this is the Isle of Detach…

PF: Horse feathers!  This is most certainly Professor Island – this hut is nestled on the Smartsy Dunes, just out that window is Monocle Chain River, which leads to the cool waters of Lake Monocle – whose shady banks I lounged upon when I first was becoming a disciplined student of Discovery.

Bingo Clem: Well, no disrespect, friendo, but we’re on the Freckle Beach, that’s the Face-water River, and I don’t think we have much-o-that discipline here…

PF: Poppycock, deformed Professor Clem!

Bingo Clem: No matter – once you are settled, I shall take you to the High Chancellor itself, then you’ll know exactly who and where we are!  We are detached, to be sure!

PF: Professor High Chancellor!  Sounds like a proper welcoming emissary for a Discoverizing HERO such as myself!

Bingo Clem: You will be welcomed, all right!  Let me make sure your bed-quarters are done up…

PF: Superb!  I shall accompany you to supervise and give orders toward my preferences of comfort.

Bingo Clem: Well, all right…

Blobby: Hmm. PF is acting strange…

Moustachia: What ewse is new?

Roy: No, but he’s bein’ extra weird.  I don’t think he’s fully recovered from the Dark Syrup.

Blobby: I guess we’ll see what happens when we meet this High Chancellor guy.

Current Mood: Happy to be home!
Discoveries Made: A bizarro Professor Island

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤