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Blobby Log Owners Manual

Tagged: Land Lump
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Blobby Log Day 162

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 12: Professor Island > Vol. 1

Timestamp: High Noon; Day 162
Weather: Climactic.
Landscape: The opposite of pretty.


Mr. Demon: Come back! Don’t let an impressive amount of body parts discourage you. Well… Okay, sure you’ve defeated my army of zombie food products, but I still have my Flying Devils, and I’ve put earmuffs on them so they can’t be confused by any of your rhetorical trickery any longer. Flying Devils – ATTACK!

Flying Devils: Whats was that? A snack?

Mr. Demon: (flailing and complicated signals, generally conveying the message that the Devils should once again attack Professor Island.)

Flying Devils: Ohhhhhh! Let’s gets ‘em, boys! Maybe ifs we disposes of thems properly, we’lls get that snack the boss was yellin’s about!

Mr. Demon: BWA-HA-HA!

PF: It seems that we are in need of another nick of time miracle. The Professors are nearly powerless to deaf Devils.

Mr. Demon: I am full of disproportionate confidence!

?: Lump, lump, lump, lump, lump…

PF: Hmm…

?: Lump, lump, lump…

Flying Devils: Raarrrrrr!

?: Lump, lump, lump. We’re here!

PF: Oh, hello Land Lump. Um, you got my letter?

Land Lump: Yes, brother Fliggins. The Lumps moved as fast as we could as soon as it arrived. Also, we met a butterfly that was pretty, so we got a little distracted. But we are here to Lump you to victory!

PF: Well… That is… What is your strategy, Land Lump?

Land Lump: Oh. Well. Give me a second… Hummmmm.

Flying Devils: RARRRRR!

Land Lump: Let me see… Do you think we could take a nap first?


Mom: The Devils are almost here!

Land Lump: Oh! Oh no, they probably don’t need any pamphlets. Hmmm… This is a lot of pressure!

Kickies: We know what to do!

Roy: Hey! Look at the Kickies running on top of the water like that!

Mr. Demon: Whoa, cool! I mean… DARNIT!

Kane: Greetings! We received your missive, Fliggins. The Kickies would like to figuratively and literally kick butt for justice!

PF: Well, the Devils are too high to be kicked. Oh, duh and doi! Start kicking the Lumps at them!

Lumps: Lump?

Kickies: Yeah!

*Bup bup bup bip punt but bup*

Lumps: Lump, lump, ow, lump…

Flying Devils: Hey! Ow! Ouches! Lumped by Lumps! Ow!

Mr. Demon: Charge! Charge!

PF: Oh the Lumps are slowing them down, but not enough!

Sid: Hey, P. Flig, WHAT UP, SON!

PF: The Three Bean Teens, my Dogs and Cats!

Bonzo: We hitched a ride here with the Royal Moustachio Air Force and the Royal Barbers. Came up with a pretty sweet plan.

Sid: Joe, this thing is about to be on and popping!

PF: Oh, excellent, Gee! You are most certainly my brothers from other, very nice mothers. Where are the Moustachios and Beards?

Bonzo: They’re settin’ up their part of the plan. First, we gotta shoot this BEAN JUICE HOSE at the Devils! Let ‘er rip, Gree!

Gree: Wickey-wickey!


Flying Devils: Sicks! Beans juice! Sticky beans juice!

Bonzo: Okay, RMAF! NOW!


RMAF: Hello, old bean, so to speak – hope you don’t mind being covered in our MOUSTACHE CLIPPINGS!

PF: Pa-tooey! Hair blizzard!

Flying Devils: We’s tarred and featherds!

PF: More like “beaned and haired.”

Tarvis Whiskerton: Howdy, Fred!

PF: Oh! Tarvis! You have come to help too!

Professor Professor: Goodness, you never had this many friends before!

PF: I know!

Whiskerton: Yep! The Royal Barbers and me are gonna put the final touches on these here Devils. While they’re dazed, we’re gonna summon the powers from our Great Barberian Ancestors and doom these cretins to the worst possible fate known to all of Shawnimaland – BAD HAIRCUTS.

PF: You fiendish beard, you!

Whiskerton: Stand back, Fred! Barbers! Commence shearing!

Royal Barbers: Yeee-haw!

PF: This is simply remarkable.

Roy: Hey, here come the Pink Ninjas, floating on their bubble gum balloons like the best dream come to reality!

Pink Ninja: Hey, Professor Fliggins! We’re here to do what we do every month, stomp some evil!

PF: Well, thank you so much, this attack is all but thwarted.

Whiskerton: Voila! Now thems some UGLY HAIRCUTS.

Flying Devils: Nos! I gots likes three mullets and a hightops fade! I’s gots an amish beard ands the words “Rufus Rocks!” shaved on my scalps! Who’s Rufus?!

Pink Ninja: Girls, look! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pink Ninjas: Hoohoo! Hahahaha! HA!

Flying Devils: My deepest fears – BEIN’ LAUGHED AT BY LADIES! Embarrassments! Ah! Guh! Arg!

Pink Ninja: Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ho ha. Man. Man. Ha ha ha… SIGH. Oh, it feels good to laugh like that. PHEW.

Flying Devils: Oh goods, we laugheds ‘em tired!

Pink Ninjas: Not quite!

(Sounds of the Pink Ninjas beating every ounce of snot out of the discombobulated and ridiculous-looking Devils. How lovely.)

Hooray!Mr. Demon: Aw, geez!


PF: Wow – everyone is coming. It took me a year to find Professor Island, and now so many creatures are here… Hey-lo! Vampire Pants!

Vampire Pants: Bleh! Halp me!

PF: That is a fine boat you have there, sir! I see you got my letter of plea to help me too! Marvelous!

Vampire Pants: Letter? What letter? I’m running for my life from these two mobs you let into my house! I wouldn’t help you!

PF: Oh.

Angry Pants Mob: Get him! Get the evil Vampire!

Vampire Pants: I’m not a Vampire! Bleh! I’m just the PANTS of a Vampire!

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt the beautiful Vampire Pants! We love him! Vampires are SO COOL! SWOOOON!!!

PF: Goodness, we did kind of leave you hanging… I have an idea! *ahem* BOY, I SAY, VAMPIRES ARE SO LAME AND STUFF!

Pants Mobs: What did he say?


Hysterical Pants Mob: Liar!


Angry Pants Mob: What’s he saying?




Flying Devils: Huh?

Hysterical Pants Mob: Yeah. Vampires are so played. I heard Vampires can’t even use a mirror – GRODY! Devils are pretty hawt tho. Totesally hawt! YEAH! DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS! WE WANT DEVILS!

PF: Hey, look over there! SO MANY DREAMBOATY DEVILS!

Angry Pants Mob: Devils! Why they’re even more amoral than Vampires! Get the Devils! Burn the Devils!

Flying Devils: Uh-oh…

Hysterical Pants Mob: Don’t you hurt our precious Devils! WE LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE!

PF: That should take care of that.

Flying Devils: Ah! Ah! Gets ‘em off me! Theys burning and hugging! Ow OH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

PF: See you later, evil!

The Forces of Good: HOORAY!

Mr. Demon: Crud. It doesn’t matter! I will take you all on myself! I’m quite the scrapper, and my anonymous friend here with the comb-over will lead me right to all your secrets! Professor Island IS MINE!

Moustachia: Gimme that costume, mistew!

?: Stay away from me, little flying Moustache!

Professors: GASP!

PF: Why, Mr. Demon’s accomplice… it is… PROFESSOR STUBBLER!

Professor Stubbler: Oh are you that surprised?

Professor Professor: Oh, Stubbler, how could you? We had some doubts about your last few books about the study of Dark Syrup ingestion, but we never thought you would turn EVIL. This will have to go up for review with the Council of Provosts…

Professor Stubbler: Your Council of Provosts can CRAM IT!

Professors: DOUBLE GASP!

PF: If you keep shocking the Professors, Stubbler, you are going to make them hyperventilate!

Professor Stubbler: I do not get any respect around here! I am too BRILLIANT for Professor Island! Mr. Demon respects my brain!

Mr. Demon: Sure!

Professor Stubbler: A brain so large it scared away most of the hair from my head! Stupid hair! It did not respect me!

PF: Stubbler, you sold out your home.

Professor Stubbler: How does that make me any different from you, Fliggins? You ran away from this place. You could not succeed in our circuitous academic system, so instead of accepting your failure and facing it, you retreated. In fact, if you did not leave, Mr. Demon would have never even come here. We are the same!

Professors: TRIPLE GASP!

Professor Weezygrist: Huff Huff. I need an inhaler… Too many… surprises…

Professor Professor: Is this true, Fliggins? Did you lead Mr. Demon here?

PF: Yes…

Professors: QUADRUPLE…

PF: BUT! But, I was put in a trance by Dark Syrup AND he spied on me. I have spent the year taking in LIFE. Looking at it from every imaginable angle! If you just stay at home, friends, you will not know how to properly value it. You will fall into a daze. You will live your life unconsciously, not knowing about all the wonders that await you elsewhere! It is in the Elsewhere that I found the real meaning of Home.

Professor Stubbler: Poppycock and applesauce!

PF: Stubbler, you foolish turdmouth! Do you not see? We are NOT the same. I have been forced out of my comfort zone and given the gift of JUDGMENT! I do not LET things happen to me – I judge them and can now decide if they are good or evil or delicious or made of facial hair or are a whale…

Blubba: Someone beckon me?

PF: Blubba!

Blubba: I got your letter, and finally put the pieces together about where I was born. THESE ARE MY BIRTH WATERS!

PF: I see.

Blubba: I am so grateful, I would help you out of any thicket!

Mr. Demon: OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED. All right, freakshows, I don’t care about what you’ve Discovered… prepare to be conquered!

Blubba: You, Kane, the Stealth Kicky!

Kane: Yes, my dear smelly abomination?

Blubba: Do us the honor of Kicking me in the rumpside one more time…

PF: Huh?

Kane: Ha ha. Yes, Blubba, sir. Yes indeed.


ULP!Blubba: Thank you, Frederick Fliggins! I will always be grateful to you!

Mr. Demon & Professor Stubbler: What the..?

Blubba: *ULP!*


The Forces of Good: Hooray!

Blobby: Blubba just swallowed Mr. Demon and Stubbler. He’s not so bad after all!

Blubba: Thank you, Professor Fliggins! I will now swim these rapscallions to the adjacent corner of the planet! Fair thee well!

PF: Thank you, Blubba! You are a wonderful monster!

Blubba: You too, my friend! You too!

Mom: Fliggins you did it! Let’s celebrate!

PF: Yes. Celebration. Right. Perhaps we could first take a ZZZZZZZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzz…

Mom: Yes. Of course.

Professors: ZZZZZZZZ zzzzzz snore-hiccup zzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzzzz…

Current Mood: zzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzz...
Discoveries Made: zzzz - snuh - uh - zzzZZZzzz-lala-lovezzz... love...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 147

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 10: Lumplands > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Afternoon; Day 147
Weather: Clean!
Landscape: Good as new! Everything is spic-and-span - even the dirt is no longer dirty.


Good!  All done!  Every last bit of refuse is being put to good use.

Dum-Lump: Lump – lookee at my fancy new plastic necklace.  It fits tight!

Dummer-Lump: Tray mag-nuh-feek!  Lump.

Dum-Lump: Lump.

Dummer-Lump: Lump.

Land Lump: Well this is a glorious day!  Thank you from the bottom of my lump!

PF: Oh my pleasure, now – how can we get our airship to Foodlandia without flying in these Devil infested skies?

Land Lump: Well just look at it, my child!

PF: Zounds!

Land Lump: We learned a lot from you!  Seeing how you were able to invent new uses for old junk, we have redesigned your junky old Dirigible into a new LAND-CRAWLER, with trendy Lumpy-treads!

PF: REMARKABLE!  How does it work?

Land Lump: You simply glide forward atop our gentle Lump-friends here and they will massage your ship across the land by pushing it on their rolling backs.  When they reach the rear of the vessel, they just lump on up to the front again in and endless stream of lumpgenuity!

Roy: But what if the Flying Devils look down and see this tank thing rolling over the hills?

Land Lump: We have painted a big Lumpity smiley face on top of the kerchief balloon!

Blobby: So they’ll think it’s just a big dumb Lump bopping along…

Moustachia: Bwilliant!

PF: That you so much for this, Land Lump!  If I could purchase you and keep  you on my home mantle I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT.

Land Lump: That would nice, would it not?  And thank YOU, my child – it is because of your hard work that we are able to provide you with this gift.

PF: I retract all of the insults I have muttered under my breath these last few days.  You Lumps fellows are all right!

Land Lump: Delightful!  Now, hop aboard and go stop that littering Mr. Demon once and for all!

PF: Yes…  HE is the litterer.  Never forget, Land Lump.  Never again.  Lumps, AWAY!

Lump Treads: Lump.  Lump.  Lump.  Lump.  Lump…

Lump tank?!

Current Mood: Determined!
Discoveries Made: Yet another transformation to my Dirigible!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 146

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 10: Lumplands > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Blazing Hot Noon; Day 146
Weather: BLAZING.
Landscape: Looks fine to ME.


Land Lump: And do not forget to double-scrub each blade of Lump Grass after you have de-garbaged it!  Oh – you missed a blade over here!

PF: This is ridiculous…

Land Lump: GASP!  The Little Lumps!  LOOK!

Roy: Yikes!

Blobby: Whoah – how’d so many manage to get stuck in that 6-pack plastic ring?

Little Lumps: Lump, lump, lump, gulp, gasp, lump!

PF: Sweet.  Gracious.  You know, perhaps creatures that cram their necks into plastic rings DESERVE to check out of the evolutionary continuum…

Little Lumps: Lump, gasp, gulp, lump!

Land Lump: What a MONSTER that Mr. Demon is for doing this to our pristine pastoral lives!

PF: Yeah yeah, he is a real JERK…

Roy: Just tell him it’s your Ginger-Fizz plastic rings the Lumps are stuck in…

PF: Shh!  I shall rescue you Little Imbeciles from Mr. Demon’s carelessness!  Let unky Fliggins shake you free.  Shake-shake-shake!

Little Lumps: Ow, lump, ow.

Blobby: Where you want us to put these full garbage bags?

PF: I do not care; dump them into that pond or something…

Land Lump: No!  We shall have to construct a cannon to fire this waste into the sun!

PF: WHAT!  No no no…  Look here, we can use, um, all this…

Blobby: Huh?

PF: Just go with it…  Look!  These pie tins, for instance, they sure do make radical-tastic hats and fanny-shields!

Land Lump: What?  I do not know about that, my child…

Roy: What are you doing, PF?

PF: I am NOT sticking around here trying to figure out how to build a garbage cannon that will reach the sun, not with these nincompoops!  And these empty peanut bags are great for storing marbles, loose change, or more peanuts!

Land Lump: I mean… I suppose… but the cannon…

PF: AND this shattered glass!  It… could…

Roy: Make a beautiful mosaic of a tree or something?

Land Lump: OOOoooohh!  Now that IS something!  Trees are the wisest of all creatures you know…

PF: Yes, they sure are!  Well that explains a lot…

Land Lump: Yes!  I do believe we CAN use this waste for new things!  Let us finish repurposing all of it, then we shall help you escape!

PF: Oh lovely!  And do you see these paperclips and chewed bubble gum?  Separate, they are useless, but put them together and VOILA!  A pair of smart earrings!

Land Lump: Wow!  That is pretty now and I cannot explain why!

Tres magnifique!  Let us hurry and be done with this before these tree-huggers catch on to us…

Lump Sixer

Current Mood: Under-breath-muttery.
Discoveries Made: Recycling!

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 145

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 10: Lumplands > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Bum-Crack of Dawn; Day 145
Weather: Grim.
Landscape: Litter-strewn, still.


Land Lump: We hope you are ready for a full day of cleaning, little professor man!

PF: *grumble grumble*

Land Lump: Oh, and so as not to contaminate your skin – or our sacred land – the Little Lumps have made you these bright orange clean-up costumes!

grrrrrRoy: Excuse me?

PF: It is quite bad enough that we have to stoop down and clutch waste, not to mention with these camouflage Lumps on our heads…

Camo-Lumps: Lump, lump, lump…

PF: But now we must wear tacky orange jumpsuits as well?  I refuse!

Land Lump: But you do not need to stoop down, we have these spears and trash bags, you will look like prisoners to the environment!

PF: I do not wish to…


PF: Okay okay okay…
%0professorisland.comailor: Duh, um we even made duh one with seven sleevey things for your little seven-legged bug friend, duh…

Roy: I’m a septapus, I’ll have you know!

Lump-Tailor: Lump, lump, lump…

Land Lump: All righty roo!  Get to work, environmental prisoners!

PF, Blobby, Roy, & Moustachia:

Discoveries Made: The way out of the Pits of Humiliation is NOT to dig deeper.

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

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Blobby Log Day 144

As written by Professor Fliggins in Chapter 10: Lumplands > Vol. 1

Timestamp: Early Morning; Day 144
Weather: Cloudy, full of whining.
Landscape: Pretty dirty!


Land Lump: What an impossible crisis!

PF: Yes, yes.  It is simply awful awful.  BUT we NEED to figure out how to get an airship to Foodlandia without using the air.

Land Lump: Perhaps I could help you, child, but the countryside is coated in GARBAGE.  I cannot even BEGIN to think about your problems in light of this environmental DISASTER.

Blobby: PF, we should really fess up to dumping all that stuff on the Lumplands…

PF: Silence your Blob-hole!  We have more immediate concerns that the gradual damage wrought by simple litter!

Land Lump: Oh and the Little Lumps!  They do not know what to do with it all!  THE TRAGEDY THICKENS.

Little Lumps: Lump, lump, lump…

PF: Perhaps we could harnesses on you and Roy, Blobby.  Moustachia too…

Roy: Get real, monocle boy.

Land Lump: And the rain!  It burns!  Pollution!  Chemicals!  *Cough!  Cough!*

PF: Oh, give me a BREAK.


PF: OKAY! Enough.  If we help you clean up all this garbage will you help us get home?

Land Lump: Why… yes, my child.  The Little Lumps, they are so stressed out by this invasion of their habitat, they could not even begin to clean up any of it.

Little Lumps: Lump, lump, lump…

PF: *Stress…*

Current Mood: Begrudging.
Discoveries Made: Lumps am stoopid...

Hereinto referenced: ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤